By Holly E. Dreger, MSW, LCSW
At the grocery store last week, a woman stood in front of me, poised to write out a check for her groceries. When the clerk totaled up her order, Betty asked for cash back. She smiled as she handed the clerk the check. Betty said that her husband doesn’t need to know that she sometimes needs a little extra cash.
This kind of secretive behavior is more common than you might think. In fact, it is a hidden compulsion for many. Known as “retail therapy” by the initiated or oniomania (compulsive shopping), spending more than you should is a destructive habit, where shoppers continue to spend despite knowing adverse consequences, such as difficulty paying the bills incurred during fits of spending. It is also a progressive problem that tends to worsen over time.
Who Is the Compulsive Shopper?
Women are more likely to shop compulsively, but men are fast becoming obsessed as well.
Some compulsive shoppers spend in response to feelings of loss, childhood deprivation or due to feeling low self worth. Many compulsive shoppers struggle with other issues, such as problems with food, drug or alcohol abuse, or anxiety and depression.
Often, the reason why someone develops a shopping problem is related to an underlying issue, such as feeling out of control, being depressed, or being angry.
Compulsive shoppers find that when they feel anxious, disappointed, or sad, buying something relieves these feelings. But of course, the feeling of relief is fleeting.
What Does Compulsive Shopping Look Like?
Some signs and symptoms of compulsive shopping include:
- Spending money after you’ve been feeling angry, lonely, depressed or worried
- Spending more and more time trying to pay bills to accommodate your spending (e.g. using one credit card to pay another; selling personal items to make payments)
- Getting into arguments with significant others about spending and shopping habits
- A rush of euphoria at the time of purchase
- Lying to others about how much you are spending
- Feeling ashamed or guilty after spending money and perhaps returning purchased items
- Feeling lost without your credit cards
- Going shopping for a gift for another but always buying something for yourself
- Charging items that you probably would not have purchased with cash
People who can identify with three or more of the above might have a problem.
Many people with a shopping problem report feeling a sense of power and control when able to shop and obtain the material things that society tells us we must have. This sense of power, however, is an illusion with extremely destructive consequences on self, relationships, and financial futures.
The Impact of Compulsive Shopping
Compulsive shoppers often go into debt—and fast. Many overspend on all their credit cards, and soon are unable to pay the smallest balances. The problem then spreads to the people in their lives: spouse, parents, children, friends or co-workers. Watching your financial life spiral out of control can only increase feelings of low self worth, with bankruptcy often the outcome of this continuous overspending.
Help Is Available
If you have a compulsive shopping problem, you need not feel ashamed or try to hide the behavior. Hiding the behavior will only make it grow worse, and further trap you into compulsive spending. The most important thing you can do is admit that you might have a problem and seek help. Healing an addiction begins when you take the covert and make it overt. In other words, the truth must come to light before you can become free of your addiction.
If someone you love has a compulsive shopping problem, gently confronting someone you love with a compulsive shopping problem can help them know that they can get help for this addiction.
Additionally, help is available in the following places:
- Debtors Anonymous
- Stop Overshopping
- therapists and counselors
- self help resources, such as books and online communities
- medication
- spiritual supports
If you’re tired of feeling trapped by your own shopping behavior, seek help today.
