By Sherry Katz, MSW, LCSW
Sherry Katz, LCSW has practiced social work for 27 years, and currently practices family therapy in Ridgewood, NJ. She has both a broad range of social work, clinical, and consulting experience in various older adult settings, as well as advanced clinical training in couples and family therapy.
Is thinking about myself selfish?
Most women were raised to pay much more attention to others than themselves: Be nice; let others go first; don’t take the biggest piece; a good wife takes care of the home; sit like a lady, etc.
What’s so bad about taking the biggest piece? And why does anyone care how I sit?
If instead the culture sent messages to stand up for yourself, follow your dreams, don’t let disappointment get in your way, then most likely, most women, would not have a hard time deciphering who we truly are and what we truly want from life.
How can I begin to shift the focus?
Be willing to dialogue with those close to you. If you feel upset that someone has not called you for several months, tell them how you feel. Be willing to share your feelings with people who care for you. Your relationships can improve when others know about who you truly are.
Won’t people drift away from me if I share my true feelings?
Some people might drift away, but that’s okay! How happy can you be a relationship where you have to stifle your true feelings?
Imagine a relationship where it’s okay for you to have ups and downs, where you get emotional support.
Talk therapy is a way to experiment with new ways of relating. Therapists are trained to put the patient’s best interest as a primary focus; the patient has safety and freedom to practice new ways of relating to others.
