By L.B. (LeslieBeth) Wish, Ed.D, MSS

No one can avoid stress. In fact, it’s a necessary part of life. Stress symptoms such as rapid heart beat, sweating and feeling fearful are basic survival reactions that signal people that they must become more alert and ready to act. In pre-historic times, the ability of a person to recognize and value these symptoms might determine whether he or she survived animal or enemy attacks.

Feeling tired and overwhelmed signals to people that they must slow down, rest and select only the most important tasks. Women hunter-gatherers often had to rest between foraging for food to save energy to breastfeed their young.

Today’s modern warriors of home and workplace still have these hard-wired stress responses. Effective people know that stress management depends upon their ability to recognize their specific reactions and situations that trigger them.

Recognize Your Stress Triggers and Symptoms

There are many ways to become more aware of stress triggers. What upsets one person may not upset another. For example, a song on the radio may bring back terrible memories for a person of ending an important relationship, but another person just hears the song without attaching any particular negative or positive feelings to it. Knowing personal triggers is an essential part of feeling more in control of life. People who feel more in control of emotional reactions tend to be happier.

One way to learn about personal triggers and reactions is to keep a feeling and behavior diary. A person doesn’t have to be a writer to keep one. Make sure to have a notebook or paper near the phone, computer or in a purse. Jot down the times when feelings occur of being “out of control” or “out of sorts” Look for typical stress reactions such as irritability, tiredness, insatiable hunger or dramatic drop in appetite, sleeplessness, increase in heart rate, increased perspiration or disinterest in previously fun activities. Put checkmarks next to the self-defeating behaviors—eating, spending, sleeping, yelling, criticizing, crying or using self-blame.

Then add the best guest as to what is triggering the reaction. Usually, people know what’s bothering them. Common triggers include bill paying, misbehaving children, fights with one’s partner, criticism from others, mistakes at work, too much work, illness or weight gain.

If a person doesn’t have the time to write things down, use a small recording devise to keep track of reactions. Another option is to say out loud or silently that an undesired over-reaction is occurring. Sometimes, just noticing it can calm down the stress.

Re-train the Brain

People can retrain their brains to interrupt impairing stress reactions. When stressed out feelings
and behaviors occur, try saying out loud the following sentences—or find more personalized ones:

• I don’t have to be perfect.
• I don’t have to come up with all the answers.
• It’s not personal.
• I am not a bad person.
• I can handle this—one step at a time.
• Stress reactions can be good—they are warnings to pay attention.

Seek Solutions

It doesn’t do much good to complain or blame one’s self. Now is the time for action. Pretend that the problem and reaction to it are happening to someone else. Think about suggestions and sound advice to give that imaginary person. Removing one’s self slightly from the situation can allow for an easier flow of solutions.

To curb jolts of appetite increases, WAIT. Don’t grab that food. Have a glass of water or a cup of herbal tea instead. Often, hunger pangs are signs of thirst. Cravings are common in everyone, but they can be tricked into going away by toughing out the fifteen or twenty minutes the cravings need to subside. Concentrating on preparing herbal tea is an excellent distraction. Also, leave the kitchen or grocery store and substitute something better such as calling a friend, watching a favorite show, playing with the children in the family.

For anger outbursts and high frustration, take a breath and leave the room. Try to break down into small, small steps what has to be done so that feelings of helplessness or being overwhelmed don’t take over.

Say out loud again those personalized brain-wire change sentences.

Develop a Buddy System

Recruit a friend to help. Make a buddy system with a good friend, spouse or other family member. Agree to call each other whenever stress increases. Research indicates that buddy systems are social networks of support that work. They make people feel less alone and accepted.

Don’t Blame Yourself

Forgive setbacks. Everyone makes mistakes and has regrets. Just go forward, concentrate on solutions and be proud of getting pro-active. It is never too late for positive change. Use personal statements said out loud to counter the tendency to be self-critical.

Set Realistic Expectations

Keep a longer time horizon for success in reducing major stress reactions. For example, eating when anxious, lonely, sad or mad is a common stress behavior. However, losing weight and changing one’s old methods of managing uncomfortable feelings cannot change in a few weeks. Think, instead, in terms of seasons.

It’s never too late to be brave, face stresses and take charge.