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Posts Tagged ‘
children ’
Introduction
Traditionally, homework time as been a time when parents and children become adversaries. Parents cajole and coax children into doing homework while children resist and complain. There are, however, some tricks that parents can use to help make the homework experience more tolerable and productive. Following these suggestions may not make homework fun all the time, but it may lessen the sting of this necessary part of the educational experience.
- Be the parent, not the teacher. Support, encourage, and assist if needed, but keep job descriptions clear. Parents can reinforce the learning process by helping with homework when needed.
- Make homework an event and fun when possible. Give rewards (M&Ms, pretzels, pennies, etc.) for work well done. Take short breaks between subjects or sets of problems. Do something physical, such as calisthenics or a run around the house, pet the dog, and then back to work. Breaks should be short, so as not to get distracted by other things.
- Give lots of positive reinforcement. Play down negative behaviors. Use non-emotional, matter-of-fact responses to failure. Don't tell the child what to do, but rather lead them to their own solutions. Good, probing questions might be:
- What makes math easier for you?
- Can you think of what helps you when math goes ok?
- What would you say that you do differently when that happens?
- What do you have to do to make that happen more often?
- Set a pattern of doing homework in the same place and at about the same time each day. This should be in a well-lit, comfortable place with as few distractions as possible. No TV or loud music. Parents can play soft background music if they wish.
- Build rituals and routines into the homework schedule – drinks, snacks, regular times, same place, rewards, etc. Children gain security from consistent and predictable patterns. It teaches them self-discipline and gives them comfortable, yet flexible structures.
- Negotiate the homework schedule. Let the child have some input into the schedule, but keep it consistent as much as possible.
- Each child and each family has different needs. Some children need to unwind after school, so for them, playtime should come first. Homework can be after dinner or at least after some relaxation time.
Teach the child that being a student is a job just like the parent is an accountant, secretary, homemaker, salesperson, etc. Once the work is done they can have fun.
- Use a sign-off plan for completed homework. Children must show parents their finished assignments and parents either sign the work or a notebook that both keep. This can sometimes be a cooperative venture with the child's teacher if homework has been a special problem for this child. This holds the child accountable for their work.
- If parents and the child fight often, get a tutor or a homework helper before homework becomes World War III. Recognize when parents may be as much a part of the problem as the child and change the relationship.
- Listen to the children—don’t preach! If they come home in a miserable mood saying they hate the teacher, this is not the time to talk them out of it. Listen to what went wrong today, reflect their feelings, and empathize with them. Parents can put themselves in the child's place.…Remember bad days at school or work and being told not to feel that way? Home should be a place where the child can safely express their feelings without repercussions. Allow them to get the feelings out before they have to return to school.
- Parents do not have to agree with teachers all the time. Some teachers do make mistakes and some teachers are unfair. However, this is a life lesson. Help children realize that even when the teacher is in the wrong, they are in authority. In life we all must deal with people who have authority over us. We don't have to like it, but we have to cope with it. Remember, however, that teachers need the support of parents to effectively educate.
- Do not punish a second time for the same crime. If a child gets in trouble at school, there are consequences. Support those consequences and do not interfere by adding more punishment at home. This will encourage the child to be honest with parents about what happens at school and not fearful that it will be worse at home. However, if the behavior becomes too repetitive or disruptive, then additional home consequences may be indicated to reinforce. Use this only under extreme circumstances and confer with the teacher and/or administrators.
- Communicate and cooperate with the teacher and other school staff, but don't assume responsibilities that belong to the child. Help them handle situations on their own as much as possible.
- How well the child does in school is not an evaluation of parenting skills. What matters is how open, loving, and affirming parents are with children while teaching them how to live life effectively. Many times, students who struggle through school grow up to be talented, charming, and successful adults…even Nobel Prize winners or presidents. Avoid letting a difficult school experience diminish anyone's self-esteem.
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Introduction
The numbers of gay and lesbian adults and couples who are adopting children is increasing dramatically; at the same time, the number of adoption agencies willing to place children with gay and lesbian adults and couples is also increasing notably. What does this mean for children in need of healthy family environments? What does the research tell us about families with gay or lesbian parents, including those created through adoption?
First, a little background information about children awaiting adoption and the size of the adopter pool (parents interested in adopting). The number of children not living with their biological parents is at unacceptably high levels. Research suggests that there were 542,000 children in foster care in the United States in 2001 and as many as one third of these children may be eligible for adoption.
Many gay and lesbian adults and couples are interested in adopting children. However, discrimination has made it difficult for gay and lesbian adults and couples to complete the adoption process (Brodzinsky, 2003). Excluding gays and lesbians as potential adopters is not only discriminatory but it limits the number of potential adults available to adopt the thousands of children eligible for adoption.
Although it is not commonly known, the research regarding parenting by gays and lesbians is very positive. The following list shows the important findings from research on families with gay and lesbian parents:
- Lesbian mothers have been found comparable to heterosexual mothers in their desire to be parents (Kirkpatrick, Smith, & Roy, 1981; Lewin & Lyons, 1982; Osterweil, 1991).
- Lesbian mothers have been found comparable to heterosexual mothers in their warmth toward children (Golombok, Tasker, & Murray, 1997).
- Lesbian mothers have been found comparable to heterosexual mothers in their parental behaviors (Harris & Turner, 1986).
- Lesbian couples have been found equal to or superior to heterosexual couples in dividing responsibility for chores equally, in financial cooperation, decision-making, relationship satisfaction and emotional expression (Brewaeys, Ponjaert, Van Hall, & Golombok, 1997; Chan, Brooks, Raboy, & Patterson, 1998).
- Gay fathers have been found comparable to heterosexual fathers in involvement with their children, intimacy with their children, provision of recreation, encouragement of autonomy, problem-solving and parental satisfaction, but superior in the way they respond to child needs, and communication of reasons for appropriate behavior (Bigner & Jacobsen, 1989a; 1989b; 1992; Peterson, Butts & Deville, 2000).
- Gay and lesbian couples value and desire commitment in relationships to the same extent that heterosexual couples do (Kurdek, 1995; Peplau, Veniegas, & Campbell, 1996)
- Children raised by gay and lesbian parents have no apparent adjustment problems that have been found to be related to their parent's sexual orientation (Chan, Raboy, & Patterson, 1998; Flaks, et al., 1995; Patterson, 1994; 1997).
- In comparison to children raised by heterosexual parents, children raised by gay and lesbian parents have been found comparable in intelligence, behaviors, moral development, and peer relationships (Allen & Burrell, 1996; Falk, 1994; Flaks, et al, 1995; Tasker & Golombok, 1995; 1997).
There is a limited number of studies involving children adopted by gay and lesbian adults and couples but once again the results are very positive. The following shows important findings from research on adoptive families with gay and lesbian parents:
- Adoptive families with gay and lesbian parents have been found to have positive family functioning, well-behaved children, and helpful family support networks (Erich, Leung, & Kanenberg, 2005a).
- There were no significant differences between gay and lesbian adoptive parents and heterosexual parents in terms of family functioning, their children's behavior problems, and their family support networks (Erich, Leung, & Kanenberg, 2005b).
- In a study involving three groups of adoptive families, "parent's sexual orientation" was not found to be a significant predictor of how well families function (Leung, Erich, & Kanenberg, 2005c).
This research provides clear support for the well-being of children being reared in homes with gay and lesbian adults or couples. In concert with the National Association of Social Work Code of Ethics which prohibits discrimination in any form, these findings direct social workers to support the practice of adoption by gay and lesbian adults and couples.
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Introduction
By now, many children have witnessed, over and over again on television, acts of horrific violence and destruction. As a consequence, you may notice that your child may begin to act differently. Following are some of the ways children respond and react to violence they've watched on TV.
- Vivid memories about the events. Your child probably can and will remember detailed scenes of the traumatic incidents he or she has viewed. Children often draw pictures of the disturbing scenes or even act out what they've seen in play.
- Questions and concerns. Your child may ask numerous questions about the disturbing images he or she has seen and may be frightened that similar acts of terrorism will occur again. Of course, it is natural for children to be alert and concerned, but excessive worries are a sign that children are having difficulty processing what they've witnessed.
- Upset feelings or listlessness. Your child may become more easily upset or angry. Or your child may appear to be just the opposite and seem not to care about anything at all.
- A need to talk about it. Children often feel the need to talk about what happened (the traumatic event) again and again. Even a generally quiet child may talk a lot about what he or she saw, felt and did during the time he or she witnessed the troubling event.
- Trouble sitting still. Your child may become more active, have problems paying attention, and be more impatient.
- Nightmares and trouble sleeping. Your child may be afraid to go to sleep or wake up frightened from bad dreams.
- Fears of being alone. Some children are afraid of being left alone. Your child may cling to you and may be frightened of leaving home to go to school.
- Physical problems. Your child may suffer from headaches, stomach aches, nausea, and fatigue.
You can help your child through this difficult time by:
- Letting your child talk about the incidents. It may be painful, but the best thing you can do for children is to listen to their stories, let them draw pictures and/or act out the incidents in their play. Talking, drawing and play-acting are healthy and natural ways for children to work through difficult reactions.
- Comforting your child. Make it a point to hold and comfort your child more during this time of adjustment. Your child is reaching out to you for security. Extra love and affection will not spoil him or her and instead will speed emotional healing.
- Not being over-protective. This may be the most difficult for you to do, but you must fight the temptation to over-protect your child. It may be very hard even to let him or her out of your sight, but it’s important that your child returns to a regular routine as soon as possible.
- Being a good example. Actions speak louder than words, and by your actions, you can set an example for your child of how to handle these reactions in a productive way. Behave in ways that communicate to your child that the world is safe to live in even though very bad and scary things do happen at times.
- Encouraging your child to help and reach out to others. If your child is able, you may want to encourage him or her to make a positive difference by, for example, offering a donation to the Red Cross or other volunteer organizations. This is something that you and your child can do together and the act will increase your child's sense of safety with you as well as in the world.
- Seeking help if your child is suffering severe and prolonged problems. Your child needs more help if he or she is having extreme reactions, such as repeated nightmares, “flashbacks” of the event, crying spells, behavior problems, and panic reactions. If you feel you've tried to help your child work through his or her reactions to regain a sense of safety, but your child's fears, sadness or anxiety does not seem to be relieved, don't hesitate to seek help from a social worker, pastor, school counselor or other caring individual.
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| A Grieving Young Person Might Ask |
"When is Daddy coming back?"
"Can I go to heaven to see Grandma?"
"Why did Mommy have to go?"
"Are you going to die, too?"
"How did he die? Was it something I did?" |
A strong response to the death of a loved one is a universal phenomenon that exists for people of all ages. Children and adolescents, however, may experience grief differently from adults. Knowledge of how children of different ages have experienced a loss is essential to helping children and adolescents who are grieving.
The loss of an important caregiver or adult can impact the infant's sense of security and well-being in the world. Children of this age are sensitive to changes in routine and stress in their environment. The child may display excessive crying, writhing, rocking, biting and other anxiety related behaviors.
Children at this age may have feelings of sadness, anxiety, insecurity, irritability and anger. They believe that death is a temporary state that can be reversed. They may equate death with sleeping or being away on a trip, or believe their thoughts or behaviors caused the death of their loved one. Some children may act as if nothing happened, while others may exhibit regressive behaviors, such as bedwetting or excessive clinging.
At this age, children are able to consider the biology of death and grasp its finality. They may develop fears associated with their own death or the death of a surviving parent. Feelings of insecurity may be expressed in a reluctance to separate from caregivers. Some children may be hyperactive, aggressive and disruptive, while others are withdrawn, sad and. Children may have nightmares, difficulty sleeping through the night, or display regressive behaviors.
Children this age understand that death is final and that it happens to everyone. Fears and worries associated with the loss may be heightened by the physical occurring within their own bodies. Ironically, they may have a strong need to control their feelings while at the same time they have great difficulty doing so. Because friends are so important to this age group, preteens may feel socially isolated, lonely, confused, scared, guilty and self-conscious.
Teens may have a need to feel "strong", in control of their emotions and "indistinguishable" from their friends. They may hide (or numb?) their emotions of grief by engaging in risk-taking behaviors, such as reckless driving, alcohol and drug use, sexual promiscuity and defiance of authority. They may be reluctant (or unable?) to Express their feelings with others…The death can cause strong feelings of sadness, loneliness, confusion, fear, guilt and anxiety for the grieving adolescent. They may become more easily distracted, experience sleeping and eating disturbances, perform better or worse in school, and display strong emotional mood changes. Like adults, adolescents may have difficulty coping the loss for months or years following the death.
Children of all ages may develop fears associated with a death. These fears can lead to other problems if neglected. Common childhood fears that result from the death of a loved one include: Fear for their own death or the death of a caregiver
- "When will I die?"
- "Is mommy going to die, too?"
Fears about being alone at night or in an empty house, the house being robbed, being in a car accident, or having nightmares
- "The monster/stranger might come."
- "I'm scared to go upstairs."
- "I need you to stay with me."
Concerns about the intensity of their grief related emotions and those of their caregivers
- "If I cry, I won't stop."
- "I can't stand to see my mother crying."
Fears that their friends and family members will treat them differently or that they will be isolated due to the death
- "No one will talk to me at school."
- "They act like I'm weird."
Safety related fears that revolve around who will attend to their needs
- "Who will take care of me?
Depression is a common outcome of extended grief among children and adolescents. Caregivers should be alert for any changes in the child's physical well-being and behavior. Typical signs of childhood depression include the general appearance of discontent, low frustration tolerance, needs for comfort but is unsatisfied when comfort is given, acting out behavior, bedwetting, decline in school performance, moodiness.
If a youth's grief reactions put them at risk of hurting themselves or others, caregivers should promptly seek the support of a mental health professional. For example, if a child or adolescent makes self-destructive behaviors or expresses feelings of hopelessness, it may indicate that there are more serious problems that should be promptly addressed by either a physician or a professional counselor.
While these signs are important indicators of how the child is faring with their grief, caregivers should be aware that most children do not sustain intense emotions for long periods of time (Landreth et al., 2005). A child may be crying about his/her deceased parent one minute and abruptly switch to joyful playing and laughing the next minute. It is OK for children to have "time off" from their grief experience, though this does not mean that the child has resolved all of his/her feelings about the death. Caregivers should also know that children often re-experience grief at different developmental stages.
Grief has different meanings depending on the family's background, spiritual orientation and culture. Rituals surrounding the death are often family specific as well as culturally grounded. In some families, for example, it is believed that children should be protected from the negative experiences associated with death and grief and therefore, children are excluded from rituals and discussions concerning the deceased. In other families, children are encouraged to be involved in all aspects of the death and memorialization of the deceased. Balancing these two extremes are the families that involve children in age appropriate ways. These families expose their children to some aspects of the grieving process while protecting them from other aspects that may overwhelm the child's coping abilities.
Parents and children may need to mourn a family loss individually as well as together as a family. Parents often feel uncomfortable expressing their grief in front of their children, fearing that too much emotion will scare them. Grieving parents should try to strike a balance between modeling the healthy expression of emotions while maintaining a sense of security in the home. Children and adolescents tend to weather the pain of grief more easily when family members:
- Communicate their emotions and their needs concerning the death
- Understand and respect the individuality of each member's grieving experience
- Recognize and cope with their own grief while assisting their children
- Reassure their children that despite the sadness of losing a family member, they will continue to be cared for and they will remain a family unit.
In addition, research has found that adolescents may benefit from:
- Good health habits such as good diet, nutrition, rest and exercise to combat emotional stress related to grief.
- A return to their normal routine including activities outside of school.
- Participating in activities of interest, such as sports teams and student clubs
- Obtaining professional counseling if necessary (Rask, Kaunonen, Paunonen-Illmonen, 2002).
Collaboration among family, school and professional services is essential to identify grieving adolescents who might not otherwise ask for help. Caregivers should notify school personnel when a death occurs. Teachers and school counselors can be watching for changes in the adolescent's mood and behavior. Significant changes in the adolescent may suggest that additional help is needed.
Social workers knowledgeable about grief and children can help caregivers:
- Learn how to explain death to children
- Provide information on how children understand and express grief
- Learn to tolerate and moderate emotions and behaviors exhibited by children
- Communicate to children that they are not at fault or responsible for the death
- Provide assistance for coping with a grieving child or multiple grieving children when the caregiver is also grieving.
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Tags: Adolescents, age range, caregivers, children, Danielle Parrish, Elizabeth C. Pomeroy, fears, grief, help, loss, Renee Garcia, social workers
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Introduction
Bipolar Disorder, also known as manic depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. The symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But there is good news: bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.
More than 5.7 million American adults, or about 2.6 percent of the population age 18 and older in any given year have bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder typically develops in late adolescence or early adulthood. However, some people have their first symptoms during childhood, and some develop them late in life. It is often not recognized as an illness, and people may suffer for years before it is properly diagnosed and treated. Like diabetes or heart disease, bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed throughout a person's life.
Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings-from overly “high” and/or irritable to sad and hopeless. and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression.
- Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
- Excessively “high,” overly good, euphoric mood
- Extreme irritability
- Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
- Distractibility, can’t concentrate well
- Little sleep needed
- Unrealistic beliefs in one’s abilities and powers .
- Poor judgment
- Spending sprees
- A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual .Increased sexual drive
- Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
- Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
- Denial that anything is wrong
A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with 3 or more of the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If the mood is irritable, 4 additional symptoms must be present.
- Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood
- Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex
- Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being “slowed down”
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions .Restlessness or irritability
- Sleeping too much, or can’t sleep
- Change in appetite and/or unintended weight loss or gain
- Chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by physical illness or injury
- Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
A depressive episode is diagnosed if 5 or more of these symptoms last most of the day, nearly every day, for a period of 2 weeks or longer.
A mild to moderate level of mania is called hypomania. Hypomania may feel good to the person who experiences it and may even be associated with good functioning and enhanced productivity. Thus even when family and friends learn to recognize the mood swings as possible bipolar disorder, the person may deny that anything is wrong. Without proper treatment, however, hypomania can become severe mania in some people or can switch into depression.
Sometimes, severe episodes of mania or depression include symptoms of psychosis (or psychotic symptoms). Common psychotic symptoms are hallucinations (hearing, seeing or otherwise sensing the presence of things not actually there) and delusions (false, strongly held beliefs not influenced by logical reasoning or explained by a person’s usual cultural concepts).
Psychotic symptoms in bipolar disorder tend to reflect the extreme mood state at the time. For example, delusions of grandiosity, such as believing that one is the President or has special powers or wealth, may occur during mania; delusions of guilt or worthlessness, such as believing that one is ruined and penniless or has committed some terrible crime, may appear during depression.
People with bipolar disorder who have these symptoms are sometimes incorrectly diagnosed as having schizophrenia, another severe mental illness. It may be helpful to think of the various mood states in bipolar disorder as a spectrum or continuous range. At one end is severe depression, above which is moderate depression and then mild low mood, which many people call “the blues” when it is short-lived but is termed “dysthymia” when it is chronic. Then there is normal or balanced mood, above which comes hypomania (mild to moderate mania), and then severe mania.
In some people, however, symptoms of mania and depression may occur together in what is called a mixed bipolar state. Symptoms of a mixed state often include agitation, trouble sleeping. significant change in appetite. psychosis. and suicidal thinking. A person may have a very sad. hopeless mood while at the same time feeling extremely energized.
Bipolar disorder may appear to be a problem other than mental illness-for instance, alcohol or drug abuse, poor school or work performance, or strained interpersonal relationships. Such problems in fact may be signs of an underlying mood disorder.
Both children and adolescents can develop bipolar disorder. It is more likely to affect the children of parents who have the illness. Unlike many adults with bipolar disorder, whose episodes tend to be more clearly defined, children and young adolescents with the illness often experience very fast mood swings between depression and mania many times within a day.” Children with mania are more likely to be irritable and prone to destructive tantrums than to be overly happy and elated. Mixed symptoms also are common in youths with bipolar disorder. Older adolescents who develop the illness may have more classic, adult-type episodes and symptoms.
Bipolar disorder in children and adolescents can be hard to tell apart from other problems that may occur in these age groups. For example, while irritability and aggressiveness can indicate bipolar disorder, they also can be symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, or other types of mental disorders more common among adults such as major depression or schizophrenia. Drug abuse also may lead to such symptoms.
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To learn more, visit the National Institute of Mental Health Web site.
Tags: Bipolar, children, Disorder, mania, mixed, Severe Episodes, signs, symptoms
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NOTE: Ms. Julie Niven is social worker practicing in the Bering Straits region of Alaska.
Introduction
Children of all ages learn from everything they see, hear, and do and from everyone they meet. Children learn from their teachers, from the clinic health aides, from those they visit with and observe in their communities, and most importantly from their parents. Parenting is probably the most important job on the planet. Being a good role model is one of the most important parts of parenting.
Research shows that as few as 15 quality minutes daily with your child can make a world of difference in a child's healthy development. Who better to entrust the future of one's culture with than one's child? Each day take time to talk and listen to your child. Each day teach your child through example the traditional values that sustain healthy village life.
In every village I visit I hear parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles telling children, "I love you." These three words are one of the greatest gifts a child can be given. Followed up with a hug or extended hand to hold increases the gift's value. An equally important daily gift can be that of sharing time with your child. Sharing oneself with one's children helps children feel safe. When children feel safe, they are able to reach out, interact with the world around them, and learn.
What is success and how can parents role model success for their children? Success can mean a high school diploma or a college degree to some. To others, success can mean being a family provider, a carver, skin sewer, beader, or weaver. Parents must decide how they define success within their family and then work to role model this for their children.
Being a good role model for your children will not always win parents the "most popular" award. Saying "no" when necessary and giving children age appropriate restrictions probably will not be something your children will thank you for now, but so many times they will come back to thank you after they have grown up!
Some of the important lessons to role model for children include:
- How to manage disappointment and how to calm oneself when angry
- How to stand up for oneself in nonviolent ways when called names and bullied
- How to find support in friends, teachers and extended family members
- How to show respect – listen to parents, and elders, and not talk back
- How to have healthy, safe relationships – both with friends and in dating relationships
- How to study and do well in school
- How to set goals for a happy future
- How to be a helpful member of the household by doing one's share
- How to turn down drugs and alcohol – as substance use conflicts with traditional values
- How to have fun, laugh and play safely
- How to share – both one's things as well as oneself
- How to value life – as self-harm and harm to others conflicts with traditional values
Many of the skills listed above mirror Native Alaskan traditional values. Parents teach the traditional value of sharing and taking care of others as they themselves take good care of their children day to day. Providing food, clothing and a warm place to sleep satisfies a child's physical needs. Teaching skills through hunting, gathering, food preparation/storage, craftwork and dancing helps take care of a child's mental and emotional need to feel connected to his or her culture. Teaching children about a caretaker we cannot see helps provide spiritual nurturance.
Role modeling the traditional lifestyle teaches children how to set goals and plan for the future. Boats, four-wheelers and snow machines must be maintained and readied before the hunt. Guns, harpoons and ulus must be kept clean and ready year round. When parents role model respect for the tools used to survive, children learn respect not only for practical things but for themselves and others as well.
The traditional lifestyle brings surplus and scarcity as the seasons change. Participating as a member of the family or a hunting team helps a child learn how to manage disappointments and anger. The skills parents teach their children at home, out on the tundra, river or sea can help children better manage frustration during their school day as well. Elders know that things are not always going to go the way we want them to, but that it is no good to give up.
When parents model patience and a never-give-up attitude, children grow up relying on their wits rather than alcohol and drugs to manage disappointment. Alcohol and drug use is especially dangerous when young people are angry, as so many instances of self harm and harm towards others occur while under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Children cannot learn how to take care of themselves, the land and each other when they are having thoughts of self harm. If your child tells you he or she is thinking about hurting him or herself, listen and take your child seriously. This is a time when parents often need help outside of the family. Clinic staff, a behavioral health worker, a pastor or tribal healer are resources ready to help when called upon.
“Yuut elluatumek piaqata tamaa kiturtelaraat” translated means people who do wrong are corrected on the spot. Disciplining children is probably the most difficult part of parenting. Parents naturally want to give everything to their children and want their children to always be happy. But “no” is a word we all need to learn to deal with.
Self-discipline is learned through sharing what we might like to keep for ourselves, by accepting that we aren't always going to be the one to bring home the catch, by respectfully listening to our elders' advice even when we think we know it all already, and by respecting and taking care of ourselves even when we don't feel like it. Parents can teach good behavior by correcting their children on the spot when they do something that goes against traditional values. Parents can role model self-discipline by correcting themselves when they make mistakes as well. Mistakes are a normal part of living. The value is in the lesson learned from the mistake.
Being a good parent is not always easy. Social workers can help with parenting concerns and challenges. Seek help as you feel you need it from friends, family, pastors, tribal healers, clinic staff or a mental health worker. It is wise to ask for help when we need it.
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Introduction
Strong self-esteem is the foundation for success in many areas, including social, educational, athletic and career pursuits. For example, a healthy and positive self image may help also protect children from abusing drugs and alcohol, entering unhealthy relationships, and engaging in delinquent behavior as they grow up. Raising your children to have positive self-esteem is an arduous, but extremely rewarding process.
Some children may have a more difficult time developing a positive self image because of their temperament. As adults, we need to be aware of these inborn traits that cause children to respond differently to praise, punishment, and frustration. By recognizing the distinct traits of your children, you may become more empathic and understanding parents. Raising "difficult" children may require a parenting style different from the kind that works with "easy going children". If you appreciate and accept each child's unique personality and incorporate this recognition into your parental behaviors and expectations, the child's self-esteem is likely to improve.
Accurately viewing your children can help bolster their self-esteem. Develop an inventory of your child's strengths and weaknesses. Take care to list actual positive and negative traits as opposed to traits you would like your children to display. Reinforcing positive qualities is a successful way to bolster self-esteem. Parental approval and encouragement can shape children's behavior so look for opportunities to praise. Be careful not to flatter excessively because this could put too much pressure on the child. Assess the negative qualities as well, looking for such counter-productive coping mechanisms as quitting, cheating, regression, controlling, bullying, denial, and impulsive behavior. Some undesirable behaviors may be a matter of personal style or part of a transient phase in a child's development. While recognizing both the positive and negative traits, you can help your children meet their needs in a healthier and more productive manner.
Setting clear limits and consequences and balancing rigidity with flexibility are critical for children's development. Parents should attempt to blend nurturance and acceptance with realistic expectations, clear cut rules, and logical consequences. Parents should also act in a consistent manner to their children's behaviors as they occur. When disciplining, parents should stay away from judgmental, attacking language which could lower your child's self-esteem.
Listen carefully to your children — this attention can be critical to the development of high self-esteem. Since many things compete for our attention in today's hectic world, we sometimes have trouble focusing. Try to set aside a certain amount of time, even if it is only five or ten minutes after school, to give your child your full, undivided attention. Turn off your cell phones; let the answering machine pick up. Listen actively to your child, ask questions and remember key points. Try to understand the point of your child's story and how he or she feels when relaying the information. Remember that you do not have to fix everything; the child may just need to air his or her feelings.
Children need to feel safe to express themselves even when strong feelings are involved. Although those feelings sometimes worry or alarm us, we should never deny a child's right to feel a certain way.
Additionally, we should not draw comparisons with the way other children might feel in a similar situation. All feelings are valid, but the way they are expressed may not be appropriate. Help your children find different ways to air their feelings. Encourage your kids to use their imagination when describing how they feel. Try to think of a story about yourself that demonstrates that you can handle intense emotions in a healthy manner. Remember, that you as the parent are the most important role model for your children.
As adults, we should let our children know that making mistakes is an acceptable part of life. Instead of being defeated by mistakes, we can learn from them. Therefore, children should be encouraged to take appropriate risks even if it means that they make mistakes. If children view their mistakes as learning experiences as opposed to indications of their incompetence, they will continue to take risks. The ability to persevere with difficult tasks and recover from failure are signs that a child feels good about himself or herself. Our encouragement and acceptance of mistakes as an integral part of growing up will teach children how to be kind and patient with themselves. Confident and secure children will become their own best friends. They will gain the ability to encourage and support themselves through life's difficult moments. Helping your children build positive self-esteem will pave the way for your children to lead happy and successful lives. No other experience could be more rewarding for a parent.
According to the latest statistics social workers provide more than half of the nation's mental health services. Licensed social workers are now on the front lines of services to children, adults and families in all areas of mental health, family counseling, developmental disabilities, health care, and faith based services etc. Social workers' training and theoretical emphasis on an eco-systemic approach makes them well suited and the primary professional involved in the burgeoning home, school and community based settings. It is my hope that this brief article on building self-esteem, will be used by the many social workers who are having a daily impact on the millions of kids and families that they work with.
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Tags: children, confident, mistakes, parenting, secure, self-esteem, set limits, social workers, strengths, temperament, weaknesses
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