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Healthy Parenting – Your Options: Think Your Teen Needs Counseling?

Introduction

Counseling teens can be tricky business. Often when social workers receives a call for help to counsel a teen it is from from an exasperated parent who no longer can tolerate the behaviour of their son or daughter. The teen is presented as out of control. There may be concerns of drugs or alcohol; school performance; and/or the influence of the peer group. The teen may be described as depressed, anxious, angry or even suicidal.

The parent wants the counsellor to meet with their son or daughter. The subtext is a parent wanting the counsellor to talk some sense into their child. The hope is that the counsellor can wag an even bigger finger in front of the teen for an effect more profound than that of the parent or miraculously get the teen to open up.

Wagging fingers doesn't work. If the teen isn't talking to their parents, then dragging them off to the counsellor as an agent of the parent likely won't work either. If the teen does meet first with the counsellor and does talk, what is often heard is a litany of complaints about the parents. The counsellor is next in the middle between parents and teen playing "he said, she said". So what is a parent to do?

Parents are advised to meet with the counsellor together, ahead of their son or daughter. This achieves several objectives:

  1. Parents can provide a detailed description of their concern and the history of the problems. The counsellor then has a broader perspective to understand the issues than what the teen would likely provide.

  2. Some teens (like adults) view counselling as stigmatizing. The counsellor may be able to avoid this by arriving at a clinical diagnosis of the problem. This means that on the basis of the parents' description, the counsellor may come to an understanding of the problem and can direct the parents accordingly. If the counsellor can offer meaningful direction without even seeing the teen, then the teen may be spared feeling stigmatized. If need be though, the counsellor can still meet with the teen directly.

  3. The parents will have had the opportunity to check out the counsellor and determine if they are comfortable trusting their son or daughter's care to this person. Not all counsellors are alike and the parents may prefer the approach or values of one counsellor to another.

Lastly, parents must understand that the counsellor doesn't live with the teen. The parents do. Even though the focus of what brought the teen into counselling may begin with their behaviour and problems, at some point the counselling must take focus on a positive direction and look for solutions with parents as partners. The solutions should include not only what not to do, but include clear direction for what to do. Dwelling on the problems will leave participants immersed in the negative, living in the past. Refocusing and developing positive strategies for improving relationships and behaviour can redirect both parents and teen to positive ends.

So, if you are looking for counselling for your teen:

  1. Meet with the counsellor first.

  2. Determine if your teen needs to be seen in discussion with the counsellor at this meeting.

  3. Remember, the counsellor doesn't live with your teen. Counselling may be directed to help parents better guide, manage or influence their teen.

  4. If your teen does attend counselling, your participation remains crucial.

  5. After determining and addressing the problems, the focus must shift to positive working solutions that are future oriented and facilitate parent-teen relationships.

  6. If ever you are uncertain, ask questions!

The goal: Relief from distress and well-adjusted teens.

To read more articles by Gary Direnfeld, go to www.yoursocialworker.com.

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The opinions expressed in this article are those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect those of the National Association of Social Workers or its members.

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Relationships – Your Options: Various Types of Counseling

Introduction
Public Services
Employee Assistance Programs
Third Party Benefits
Private Counseling Services
What Matters Most to You

Introduction

When personal distress reaches a level beyond acceptability counselling is seen as a viable option to address the problem. This article describes counselling options.

Public Services

Public agencies are usually supported by charitable donations or government programs or grants and operate on a not-for-profit basis. Service is provided on a fee-geared-to-income basis. This means services will be affordable. While some public services may offer brief crisis intervention services with quick access, more often there is an extensive waiting list causing delay in receiving service. Further, the user has no say in the counsellor assigned. The background and experience of the counsellor can vary but most will have between 2 to 10 years of experience. Services are confidential, but there may be many other persons in the waiting room you meet as you come and go.

Employee Assistance Programs (EAP)

Employee Assistance Programs are counselling services contracted for by employers for their employees. These services are generally free to the employee and there may be a range in the total number of sessions available. As in public services, the actual service provider is assigned to the employee. Services are confidential and some service providers have policies to reduce the chance of people from the same company as one exits and another enters. If you require additional sessions beyond what is provided by the employer contract, you would pay for this yourself. It is important to know how many free sessions are offered and the cost of additional sessions if required. Most EAP counsellors usually have at least five years of counselling experience.

Third Party Benefits

Third Party Benefits are provided through an insurer. The insurer offers the policyholder set funds for service with some restrictions on the choice of counsellor. It is important to read your benefits card and phone your insurer before you access service to make sure it is covered and to learn about the restrictions. You will be responsible for costs beyond coverage. Matters of confidentiality will depend on the service provider.

Private Counseling Services

With private counselling services the user has full choice in who they see. However, you will have to pay directly for service. Fees generally range from $75.00 – $150.00 depending on the experience of the counsellor. Anyone can provide private counselling services, with or without credentials. Therefore it is important that the user always ask about the credentials, education and experience of the counsellor. When counsellors are in private practice, there may be no means of accountability if you are not satisfied with the service. Therefore it is also important to know if your counsellor is a member of a profession and is licensed or registered. If the counsellor is licensed or registered, then they have a system of accountability and you have recourse if you are unsatisfied with service. Counsellors in private practice are often able to see people sooner and many offer a very high level of confidentiality as they have the most control of their practice and setting.

What Matters Most to You?

The factors you must weigh in making a counselling decision include: cost, level of confidentiality, access to service and choice. Depending on the issue you may weigh these factors differently. Regardless of option, you have the right to ask about any counsellor's education, experience, approach to counselling and number of sessions usually required. Depending on your situation and the nature of the problem, either option may be appropriate. The choice is up to you.

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The opinions expressed in this article are those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect those of the National Association of Social Workers or its members.

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Family Safety Current Trends: Parent -Youth Safe Driving Contract

Introduction

Teen drivers have the highest crash risk of any age group.  Per mile traveled, they have the highest involvement rates in all types of crashes, from those involving only property damage to those that are fatal.  The problem is worst among youth in their first year of driving, who have the most limited driving experience and an immaturity that often results in risk-taking behind the wheel.

Parents/guardians, you are concerned about your youth’s safety.  As role models of behavior, especially driving behavior, your son/daughter may interpret any unsafe driving behavior they see you do as acceptable for them to do.  Please consider the example you set.

Youth, you are watching your parents’ driving behaviors for differences between what they say and what they do.  You may be comparing what you’ve learned in your driver’s education class to what you see them doing.  You may feel that whatever your parents expect of you, you should be able to expect of them.

I Promise Program

The I Promise Program has been developed together with you, parents, and community members to help families address issues that relate most to new or young driver car crashes.  The I Promise Program respects your family’s unique relationship and is a tool to help you discuss safe driving issues.

I Promise Program Contract

The I Promise Program Contract gives your family the freedom to set your own conditions.  The Contract highlights several issues regarding driving and responsibilities.  It is recommended that you complete the contract together, discussing and negotiating each issue, and ultimately decided which issues best fit your family by checking the box beside the item.  By entering into this contract, you are bound by your agreement to drive safely.

The I Promise Program Rear-Window Sign seals the contract and serves as a public declaration of your family’s commitment to safe driving.  If you affix the rear-window sign to your family’s vehicle, community members can make a report on your driving by phoning you directly.  You can speak with the caller and discuss their report.

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Addictions Tip Sheet: What To Do If Your Partner Is Alcoholic

My Partner Is Alcoholic.   What Can I Do?
The Five Stages of Recovery

My Partner Is Alcoholic.   What Can I Do?

Many problem drinkers are unable to admit to this problem. The cry for help may therefore come from someone close who suffers as a result. The cry often comes at a time when he or she is unable to cope any longer with the drinker. As such, the drinker may self-righteously feel they do not have a problem as they had been drinking like this for years. They may resist treatment and often blame others for their problems. Many marriages fail at this point. One spouse can no longer tolerate the alcohol and the alcoholic refuses to take responsibility. This makes treatment of alcoholics extremely difficult.

It is important for people to understand the stages of recovery and that each stage carries challenges that some alcoholics will struggle for a long time to overcome. Five stages of recovery are discussed: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance.1

The Five Stages of Recovery

In the precontemplation stage, the alcohol problem has not yet been identified let alone accepted by the alcoholic. During this stage, their defences, most notably denial, are strong. They actively reject any notion of alcohol problems and show anger towards anyone suggesting a problem. They reject treatment and may rely on the support of their drinking buddies to affirm that they do not have a problem.

In the contemplation stage, the alcoholic toys with and finally accepts that they have a problem with alcohol. This acceptance can be overwhelming, at times leading to depression and/or anxiety. These intense feelings must be expected and planned for as part of a treatment process.

In the preparation stage, the alcoholic learns what treatment is necessary in order to recover. Depending on the severity, this can include detoxification, inpatient or outpatient counseling and marital and/or family therapy and possibly even prescription medications.

The next stage, action, is when the treatment plan is implemented and activities are undertaken to address the alcoholism. The support of family and sober friends is crucial here as alcoholics learn to defend themselves, not from admitting alcoholism, but from being pulled back towards drinking by former drinking buddies. Also crucial at this stage is developing an understanding of one's own family history that may have contributed to their drinking problems.

The final stage involves relapse prevention and is referred to as maintenance. This stage is life-long. One of the best-known maintenance programs is Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). This program is based upon self-help, group model. Members meet regularly to manage the challenges of sobriety.

Recovery from alcohol starts with clear, blunt information from friends and family, and by trained professionals such as physicians, social workers or psychologists. Some family and even some professionals beat around the bush when confronting an alcoholic. This is music to the alcoholic's ears. Fuzzy messages allow them to maintain their denial. Thus, one must clearly and fully confront the alcoholic. Clear messages leave no wiggle room.

If you think your spouse has a problem with alcohol:

1. Confront him or her forthrightly. If you are concerned for your safety, then do so in the company of a friend or professional.

2. Get help for yourself too. Learn about alcoholism, your role in the recovery process and of the impact on your family's well-being.

3. Recognize that it may take some time if your spouse is in the first stage of recovery. He or she has yet to even acknowledge a problem. This can be an insurmountable challenge for some people.

4. Recognize that alcoholism can pose a risk not only to the alcoholic but also to those around him or her. At all times, make sure children are appropriately supervised and cared for. Alcohol related problems are a major cause for referrals to child protective services.

Lastly, can a therapist help? Yes, but unfortunately, not in all cases. Much will depend on the stage of recovery, the willingness of the alcoholic to change, the social supports available and a good treatment plan.

1. DiClemente, C.C., Bellino, L.E. and Neavins, T.M. Motivation for Change and Alcoholism Treatment. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. Alcohol Research and Health .23:2. 1999.

To read more articles by Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW, go to www.yoursocialworker.com

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The opinions expressed in this article are those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect those of the National Association of Social Workers or its members.

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