Posts Tagged ‘ illness ’
Relationship Tip Sheet – How Couples Can Keep Their Relationship Together After Their Child Is Diagnosed With a Serious Illness
Introduction
Parents of children with special needs (such as health, emotional, or behavioral conditions) often experience a complex array of feelings, including sadness, despair, uncertainty, anger, and loss. Leaving behind all they had previously known, families are faced with a new perception of daily life and asked to adapt to new and challenging responsibilities. In the first several months following diagnosis, the family’s focus centers on the child and his or her schedule for treatment, doctor’s visits, and life style adjustments. While the parents endure this necessary yet challenging phase, their own needs often fall by the wayside.
Juggling the Marriage, Parenting, and a Child's Special Needs
Mothers and fathers play an important role as parents but they also play an equally important role as spouses to one another. Given the significant stressors that families face, it is not unreasonable to expect their marital satisfaction to be impacted during this time. The ways in which each spouse reacts to and copes with the stress of their child’s illness has a dramatic influence on their relationship. Each partner deals with powerful feelings and responsibilities in their own individual way. Often times, this is the first time that parents see how their partner copes with tremendous disappointment and loss. Some coping styles are complementary while others contrast. One partner may be very expressive about how they are feeling, while the other may need space and time to sort through their feelings. It is important to recognize that all parents cope differently.
How the Expectations of Others Influence Parents' Coping
Societal expectations influence how parents "should" respond further reinforcing the demands specific to each partner. Many mothers feel like they need to do "everything." Mothers often feel pressure to continue to meet the needs of their husbands, household obligations, and other siblings. Unfortunately, they often leave behind their own needs and places of employment.
Fathers commonly state that there is an increased need to continue to provide for their families while under duress and to fight the stigma against being weak, sad, or tearful. Rather, they should be brave, strong, and in control. In trying to live up to the expectations of others, some fathers let go of their need for expression, connection, and time with their partner and family.
Over time the pressure to fulfill these demands becomes too great. Parents are bombarded with financial, emotional, and physical burdens. They are confronted with social isolation, communication breakdown, sibling resentment, conflict, role reversal, and a loss of intimacy.
The Benefits of a "Secure Attachment"
When both partners are hurting, it is difficult for them to be supportive of one another. Spouses become convenient targets for each other’s anger and frustration. Stress and the threat of loss can intensify our need for love, affection, and reassurance and change our expectations of how our partners should behave. These changes highlight any potential insecurities or difficulties already existent within the relationship. Secure attachment, or the sense that one can count on their loved one, has been linked to resilience or the ability to deal with stress effectively. This "secure attachment" is a buffer against ongoing stress and the negative effects that stress might have on their relationship.
Couples Facing Adversity: What to Do?
In the greatest race of their life, couples often forget which team they are on and turn against one another. In the face of such adversity we often ask what options couples are left with. Is it possible for couples to advocate for the needs of their child and at the same time the needs of their marriage as well?
Communication Is Key
Couples can maintain their relationship by using communication methods that work for them such as the following:
- Spouses need to identify one another’s needs and means of expression.
- Setting aside time each day to touch base with one another will prevent communication breakdowns and the build-up of resentment.
- Couples need to practice active listening. This enables each partner to feel truly heard by the other and to promote a genuine sharing of their experience.
- For couples that find active listening challenging, the creation of a daily sharing notebook is passed back and forth to maintain connection and enhance communication.
- The sharing of emotions such as anger, fear, and hope foster attachment and intimacy.
Time Together as a Couple
Couples need to create opportunities or activities including:
- Scheduling a date night every week. Although this seems difficult, many couples find it enhances their relationship. They can make this a reality by finding a friend or a family member that they trust to baby-sit for them.
- Selecting one activity that you always do alone together or a time of day that you always spend together. It is not important what you choose to do, but rather, that you make it a regular priority to do something together as a couple.
When couples spend positive time alone together they can begin to engage in and respond to one another’s needs. These positive interactions promote open communication, the ability to empathize, and hear other’s perspectives in a way that builds trust, intimacy, and security.
Seeking Help
It is not uncommon for couples to need some help from professionals during this time. Communication skills and the art of compromise are often looked upon lightly. However, in the midst of a crisis, it can be quite difficult to master these tasks. Parents may choose to pursue short-term couples counseling to enhance communication practices, work through differences, or repair old wounds that have been brought to the surface in light of the recent crisis. The tools obtained in counseling will not only benefit the family in the short-term but will carry them through the longevity of their marriage.
Conclusion
Living successfully with a child with special needs requires good planning, effective coping strategies, and a lot of love. Parents are confronted with a challenge they are not prepared for and are asked to relinquish control of their previous life. They take on a host of new roles including medical experts, advocates, and insurance warriors. In doing so, their own needs often get neglected and their marriages go unnoticed. Despite the needs of their child, parents must find a way to support one another and meet their own needs as well. In doing so, they will not only help themselves but their child as well.
Related Articles:
Living With Illness Tip Sheet – How Couples Can Keep Their Relationship Together After Their Child Is Diagnosed With a Serious Illness
Introduction
Parents of children with special needs (such as health, emotional, or behavioral conditions) often experience a complex array of feelings, including sadness, despair, uncertainty, anger, and loss. Leaving behind all they had previously known, families are faced with a new perception of daily life and asked to adapt to new and challenging responsibilities. In the first several months following diagnosis, the family’s focus centers on the child and his or her schedule for treatment, doctor’s visits, and life style adjustments. While the parents endure this necessary yet challenging phase, their own needs often fall by the wayside.
Juggling the Marriage, Parenting, and a Child's Special Needs
Mothers and fathers play an important role as parents but they also play an equally important role as spouses to one another. Given the significant stressors that families face, it is not unreasonable to expect their marital satisfaction to be impacted during this time. The ways in which each spouse reacts to and copes with the stress of their child’s illness has a dramatic influence on their relationship. Each partner deals with powerful feelings and responsibilities in their own individual way. Often times, this is the first time that parents see how their partner copes with tremendous disappointment and loss. Some coping styles are complementary while others contrast. One partner may be very expressive about how they are feeling, while the other may need space and time to sort through their feelings. It is important to recognize that all parents cope differently.
How the Expectations of Others Influence Parents' Coping
Societal expectations influence how parents "should" respond further reinforcing the demands specific to each partner. Many mothers feel like they need to do "everything." Mothers often feel pressure to continue to meet the needs of their husbands, household obligations, and other siblings. Unfortunately, they often leave behind their own needs and places of employment.
Fathers commonly state that there is an increased need to continue to provide for their families while under duress and to fight the stigma against being weak, sad, or tearful. Rather, they should be brave, strong, and in control. In trying to live up to the expectations of others, some fathers let go of their need for expression, connection, and time with their partner and family.
Over time the pressure to fulfill these demands becomes too great. Parents are bombarded with financial, emotional, and physical burdens. They are confronted with social isolation, communication breakdown, sibling resentment, conflict, role reversal, and a loss of intimacy.
The Benefits of a "Secure Attachment"
When both partners are hurting, it is difficult for them to be supportive of one another. Spouses become convenient targets for each other’s anger and frustration. Stress and the threat of loss can intensify our need for love, affection, and reassurance and change our expectations of how our partners should behave. These changes highlight any potential insecurities or difficulties already existent within the relationship. Secure attachment, or the sense that one can count on their loved one, has been linked to resilience or the ability to deal with stress effectively. This "secure attachment" is a buffer against ongoing stress and the negative effects that stress might have on their relationship.
Couples Facing Adversity: What to Do?
In the greatest race of their life, couples often forget which team they are on and turn against one another. In the face of such adversity we often ask what options couples are left with. Is it possible for couples to advocate for the needs of their child and at the same time the needs of their marriage as well?
Communication Is Key
Couples can maintain their relationship by using communication methods that work for them such as the following:
- Spouses need to identify one another’s needs and means of expression.
- Setting aside time each day to touch base with one another will prevent communication breakdowns and the build-up of resentment.
- Couples need to practice active listening. This enables each partner to feel truly heard by the other and to promote a genuine sharing of their experience.
- For couples that find active listening challenging, the creation of a daily sharing notebook is passed back and forth to maintain connection and enhance communication.
- The sharing of emotions such as anger, fear, and hope foster attachment and intimacy.
Time Together as a Couple
Couples need to create opportunities or activities including:
- Scheduling a date night every week. Although this seems difficult, many couples find it enhances their relationship. They can make this a reality by finding a friend or a family member that they trust to baby-sit for them.
- Selecting one activity that you always do alone together or a time of day that you always spend together. It is not important what you choose to do, but rather, that you make it a regular priority to do something together as a couple.
When couples spend positive time alone together they can begin to engage in and respond to one another’s needs. These positive interactions promote open communication, the ability to empathize, and hear other’s perspectives in a way that builds trust, intimacy, and security.
Seeking Help
It is not uncommon for couples to need some help from professionals during this time. Communication skills and the art of compromise are often looked upon lightly. However, in the midst of a crisis, it can be quite difficult to master these tasks. Parents may choose to pursue short-term couples counseling to enhance communication practices, work through differences, or repair old wounds that have been brought to the surface in light of the recent crisis. The tools obtained in counseling will not only benefit the family in the short-term but will carry them through the longevity of their marriage.
Conclusion
Living successfully with a child with special needs requires good planning, effective coping strategies, and a lot of love. Parents are confronted with a challenge they are not prepared for and are asked to relinquish control of their previous life. They take on a host of new roles including medical experts, advocates, and insurance warriors. In doing so, their own needs often get neglected and their marriages go unnoticed. Despite the needs of their child, parents must find a way to support one another and meet their own needs as well. In doing so, they will not only help themselves but their child as well.
Related Articles:
About Living With Illness
Introduction
If you or someone in your family develops a short or long term medical condition, whether due to illness or injury, you can count on one thing—your life and that person’s may not be the same. The injured or sick person may not be able to return to work or to their daily routine. The entire family and loved ones are affected by a person’s medical condition. Having a disabling condition means you are not able to function at your prior level before the onset of illness or injury. You may not be able to work, at least not immediately, and you may be not be able to take part in everyday activities, like grocery shopping, housekeeping or even fun things like fitness, gardening and other pursuits.
Is It Acute Or Chronic?
With acute illness, you can expect to “get over it” in the short term and feel better or back to normal once you’ve been properly diagnosed and treated. The flu or a cold are examples of an acute illness. Appendicitis or pneumonia, which may be serious, can also be treated and resolved, and are therefore considered an acute illness.
A chronic illness, on the other hand, is a condition that lasts for a year (also called long term) or possibly longer, sometimes for the rest of your life. (chronic comes from the Greek word chronos, meaning time). Diabetes, glaucoma, multiple sclerosis, cancer and fibromyalgia are examples of chronic illness. More than half of all Americans have some kind of chronic illness, which accounts for more than 75 percent of all national health care spending.
It’s a Family Affair
One person’s illness can substantially alter a family’s dynamic, creating stress, upheaval, and worry about the future. While the affected person may have difficulty adjusting to a limited lifestyle and may experience byproducts of illness such as depression or anxiety, loved ones are impacted too. They may be placed into the often demanding and difficult role of caregiver. Children may feel resentful or left out if a sibling’s illness has dominated the family’s attention. Or, they may feel frightened if a parent is sick.
In other words, if someone in your family is chronically or acutely ill, you can count on a ripple effect. Everyone else will be affected, too.
Who Cares for the Caregiver?
One out of five adults in the U.S. falls into the role of caregiver for a loved one who cannot manage alone. If you help someone with daily living activities like bathing and using the toilet, getting in and out of bed or chairs, and preparing meals, you are a caregiver. Likewise, if you help someone with housework, grocery shopping, meals, managing finances or transportation, you too are a caregiver.
Trying to do all these things and also tend to your own family’s needs can overwhelm you and place your own health at risk. Getting the proper support and having a healthy mind, body and spirit are crucial if you are to continue to provide care to a loved one.
Money Matters
Finances – this is among the more concerning aspect of having a chronic illness, or becoming disabled, particularly if you are the breadwinner. Exactly how will you continue to generate an income and take care of your family if you are too ill to work?
Disability is something most people prefer to avoid thinking about. But the odds that you will become disabled are greater than you might realize. Some studies have shown that a 20-year-old worker has a 3 in 10 chance of becoming disabled before reaching retirement age.
One place to begin researching the benefits to which you are entitled is to with your employer’s Human Resources department. Another good starting point is to contact the nearest Social Security office, or phone them toll free at 1-800-772-1213. The Social Security Administration has financial programs for individuals who become disabled on a long-term basis, and who meet their financial and medical eligibility guidelines.
What Are My Rights If I Cannot Return to Work?
The rights of employees who become ill and cannot return to work are dependent on a number of factors. The first important step is to know your work policy on illness, injury, and disability, and to talk with the assigned employee who handles personnel matters. Such factors as full-or part-time employment, length of employee work history, size of business or organization, and policies for employee leave all impact your rights about returning to work or not, access to short or long term disability, and compliance with federal laws affecting employment.
For more information on employment rights, you can link to the US Department of Labor at http://www.dol.gov/odep/pubs/fact/rights.htm
For caregivers who may need to take a leave of absence from work to care for a loved one, you can access information on the Family Medical Leave Act at http://www.dol.gov/esa/regs/compliance/whd/1421.htm
What Happens If I Lose Or Don’t Have Health Insurance?
You are certainly not alone. The number of uninsured Americans has risen to more than 41 million, as of 2002. More than 8 million of the uninsured are children. Perhaps even more startling, 8 out of 10 uninsured people are in working families that cannot afford health insurance yet are not eligible for public assistance.
However, there is no reason to panic. Health care “safety net providers” have a legal mandate or a mission to offer medical care to all patients, regardless of their ability to pay. Health care safety net providers include community health centers, emergency departments, public hospitals, charitable clinics and others. Emergency Departments actually have a legal mandate to provide health care. The Emergency Medical Treatment and Labor Act or EMTLA ensures that anyone who comes into an emergency room, regardless of whether they can pay, must be screened and stabilized. The state or local health department is always a good place to begin asking about medical resources in your area.
If you become disabled on a long-term basis, you may qualify for a number of programs which help pay for medical bills and treatment. You may qualify for Medicare, Medicaid, or Workman’s Compensation if you were injured or became ill due to a work variable.
Another important law or right to be aware of is the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPAA). The words may seem overwhelming, but anyone who is out of work due to illness or disability needs to be aware of this right. HIPAA protects health insurance coverage for workers and their families when you change or lose your job by giving employees rights in considering pre-existing conditions when trying to obtain another health insurance policy. There are restrictions, but to access information on HIPAA link to http://www.cms.hhs.gov/hipaa
Lastly, if you experience job loss for a period of time or permanently, the continuation of health insurance coverage may be possible with the COBRA Act. You may be responsible for the cost of continuing health coverage, but this may be an option for you. To learn more about COBRA, please link to http://www.dol.gov/dol/topic/health-plans/cobra.htm
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About Depression
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Introduction |
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Types of Depression |
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The Cause? |
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Statistics |
Introduction
Most everyone gets a case of the blues from time to time; it’s all part of being human. But if you feel sad, anxious or empty, or experience feelings of hopelessness, guilt, or worthlessness that don’t go away for weeks at a stretch, you may be depressed. Clearly, depression has a variety of symptoms, yet the most prevalent is a feeling of deep sadness. Depression is a serious medical illness, not something you’ve made up in your head.
And if you are depressed, you are far from alone. In any given one-year period, 9.5 percent of the population, or about 18.8 million Americans suffer from some form of depression. Unfortunately, most people with a depressive illness do not seek treatment. Many are unaware that they can be successfully treated with a combination of therapies. Others may be ashamed or worry about the reaction of family, friends and co-workers.
Types of Depression
Just as there are different forms of an illness like heart disease, so too are there are different types of depression. And even within these types, people experience a range of symptoms that can vary in severity and persistence.
Major depression, for example, involves a combination of symptoms that interfere with your ability to carry on with normal living. It’s hard to stay focused at work or school; you may not be able to sleep, your appetite may dwindle or increase, and you may no longer enjoy things that used to be pleasurable.
A milder type of depression called dysthymia involves long-term symptoms that don’t disable you, but subtly keep you from feeling well.
Bipolar disorder, also called manic-depressive illness, is yet another type of depression. Not nearly as prevalent as other types, bipolar is characterized by dramatic mood swings – severe highs and lows.
The Cause?
Some people become depressed because of deficiencies in brain chemicals. Others with low self-esteem who can easily become overwhelmed by stress or who tend to be pessimistic seem to be more vulnerable than others to depression. Likewise, depression tends to run in families.
Statistics
- The majority of people with a depressive illness do NOT seek treatment, although most, even those who are severely depressed, can be helped.
- Women express depression about twice as often as men. In many cases, hormonal changes are to blame, particularly tied in with a woman’s menstrual cycle, pregnancy, and menopause.
- Although men are less likely to suffer depression than women, 3 to 4 million men in the U.S. are impacted. Often, men’s depression is masked by alcohol or drugs or by working excessively.
- Depression is not a normal part of aging, though most people assume so. Older people, however, are often reluctant to discuss their feelings of sadness, hopelessness or loss of interest in normally pleasurable activities.
