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Posts Tagged ‘
parenting ’
There’s a lot more to spoiling kids than simply succumbing to their material desires. Sure they may have every electronic gadget on the market, not tomention their own wheels and unfettered access to the family credit card. But as psychologist Dan Kindlon found out in a survey of upper middle-class parents and adolescents, overindulgence is not just about what parents give their teens, but how they treat them.
What Kindlon, a professor at the Harvard School of Public Health, found is that today’s kids have it pretty good. Rarely are they required to do chores, and when they have a problem at school, it’s never their fault. Parents will do everything in their power to protect their kids from disappointment, rescuing them from mistakes that could teach them valuable life lessons.
“We want to protect our children from all kinds of pain; we try to make their lives perfect, ” said Kindlon, author of “Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age” (Hyperion, $13).
“We try to make their lives perfect. But if a child never experiences the pain of frustration, they won’t ever develop psychological skills that are crucial for their future happiness.”
Kindlon will share the results of his study, titled “Parenting Practices at the Millennium, ” Thursday at the annual spring parenting program of The Parenting Center at Children’s Hospital, the Junior League of New Orleans, the National Council of Jewish Women and the Parents’ Council. The program, which is free to the public, begins at 7 p.m. at Isidore Newman School, 1903 Jefferson Ave.
Among other things, he will discuss how overindulgence hinders the building of strong character and ways parents can help their children by promoting rewarding activities, emotional maturity and a sense of self-worth.
On Friday, Kindlon will conduct a workshop for mental health professionals, focusing on how overindulgence impacts a child’s self-concept and what families can do to change their ways.
“The influence of parents is becoming less and less, ” said social worker Barbara LeBlanc, assistant director of The Parenting Center, who is coordinating Kindlon’s appearance. “We have kids growing up who have never heard the word ‘no.’ They grow up with a sense of entitlement, of ‘the rules don’t apply to me.’ It’s never their fault.”
Despite the good intentions of many parents, she said, few are aware of the harm they may be doing.
“We’re not just talking about giving them things, but doing things for them that they can do for themselves, ” LeBlanc said. “There are times when it’s OK to protect them and times that the consequences may be greater than youwant them to feel.”
For his study, Kindlon surveyed nearly 700 teenagers in different parts of the country and nearly 1, 100 parents of children ages 4-19. Questionnaire topics included everything from children’s possessions and allowances to household rules and attitudes about sex and drug use.
He found that the more permissive parents were, the more at risk their children were for using drugs and alcohol, suffering from eating disorders, experiencing depression, having permissive attitudes towards sex and being mean to others.
“The teen’s parents aren’t strict about things like swearing and monitoring the movies they watch or the video games they play, ” Kindlon said. “The family doesn’t regularly eat dinner together.
“A child is more likely to be self-centered if he or she gets an allowance without having to do anything for it, ” he said.
Kindlon attributes the lenient attitude of parents to numerous factors, including the frequency of both parents in a household to be working. In some cases, he says, they are too tired to enforce the rules. In other cases, they feel guilty for having to spend less time with their children and compensate by giving them things or not making them do chores.
Another issue, he says, is that today’s parents are more likely to depend on their children to make their lives more fulfilling.
“We use our children’s happiness to make us happy, so we are reluctant to be strict about their behavior in ways that would upset them or jeopardize our relationships with them, ” he said.
He says that psychologists have contributed to the problem by leading parents to believe that if their child becomes upset, it will lead to emotional damage. But research shows that children whose parents set limits, instill good values and discipline with love are more likely to develop the kinds of coping skills they need for future happiness.
He said 12 percent of the children in his survey were those kinds of kids.
They didn’t use drugs, they weren’t mean, lazy or spoiled, and they weren’t anxious or depressed.
Among other things, they frequently ate dinner with their families, regularly did community service and had to keep their rooms clean.
“If a parent will be consistently strict about even just one chore, ” he said, “their child will be better off.”
. . . . . . .
Reprinted with permission from the Times-Picayune.
Tags: character, children, entitlement, healthy, material, money, overindulgence, parenting, permissive, real life story, spoiled
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Introduction
Transferring children from birth parents to foster families and adoptive individuals or families is a complex process, involving social services, the legal system, and state mandates. Foster and adoptive parents will need to rely on professionals for advice and guidance. Social workers are invaluable in helping them navigate this process, thereby giving children a second chance at a happy life.
Couples and individuals who decide to adopt an infant or child have several options to choose from. Although private agency and relative adoptions were once the most common means to adopt a child, today public agency and inter-country adoptions account for more than half of the 127,000 children adopted in the United States each year. More than 40 percent of adoptions were arranged through publicly funded child welfare agencies in 2001, according to the U.S. Administration for Children and Families, National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC).
When deciding where to adopt a child, prospective parents must consider their ideal age of the child, the amount of contact they want with the birth parents, the nationality, race, and other characteristics of the child, adoption fees, and the waiting period prior to adoption. NAIC offers useful guidelines for prospective adoptive parents.
- Adoption subsidies are available to help offset the high costs of adoption and child rearing. Depending on state mandates, they may include:
- Federal and state adoption tax credits
- Federal and state adoption subsidies for children with special needs
- Reimbursement for adoption expenses for foster children adopted from the public child welfare system
- Employer benefits for adoption expenses
- Adoption loans and grants from various agencies. The National Adoption Foundation offers information on adoption grants and loans.
Other services available to adoptive parents include parenting classes, adoption support groups, and respite care. Social workers can assist by working with families to identify needs and find community resources. Adoptive parents of children with special needs will greatly benefit by contacting a social worker for emotional support, parenting education, and information about the many programs and supports available in their community.
When parents are no longer capable of caring for their own children, the child welfare system steps in. The children may be removed from their home and temporarily placed in foster care. Foster care is designed to provide a stable, safe, and nurturing environment for children of families in crisis.
Children are placed in foster care when it is proven that they have been abandoned, abused, or neglected, due to parental problems such as alcohol or drug abuse, incarceration, or physical or mental illness. Youth in foster care often have special emotional, developmental, and health needs as a result of their abuse or neglect.
Foster parents open their home to children and commit to providing protection, guidance, and nurturing for children who have entered the foster care system but who are not in their custody. The process of becoming foster parents typically occurs after foster parents complete a home assessment process and attend training. They must demonstrate that they are responsible and financially and emotionally stable.
Foster parents receive a monthly reimbursement that varies in amount by state to help offset the costs of food, clothing, and other necessities. Medical care and counseling services are provided for children at no charge to foster parents.
There are many highly trained social workers are available to help prospective adoptive and foster care parents through the complicated process of adoption.
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Tags: adopt, adoption, assistance, birth parents, children, family, federal, foster care, foster parenting, National Alliance for Caregiving, parenting, state
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Introduction
The first three years of a child's life are the prime time for parents and caregivers to provide positive experiences that will affect the rest of the child's life. Children will develop faster during these early years than at any other time in their lives.
Although individual children develop at their own pace, healthy early childhood development occurs in a sequence of growth and change in the physical, cognitive, emotional, and social areas. It is important for parents and caregivers to understand what children need at each stage of their early lives to promote progress to the next level.
It has long been known that babies who do not get enough love and attention are less likely to become well-adjusted adults. Recent discoveries on how children's brains are wired help to explain this occurrence. At birth, newborns' brains have all the cells they'll need for a lifetime, but the network connections needed for development do not begin until the first few days of life. The connections determine how a child thinks, feels, and behaves.
Scientists have discovered that early experiences actually build and shape these connections. Therefore, how a child is raised strongly influences their emotional, social, behavioral, physical—and even intellectual—capabilities.
Starting from birth, babies develop quickly in all development areas when they have nurturing caregivers and opportunities to explore their world. Each month brings new skills. At just two months of age, babies may roll from their stomach to their back. By four months, they may stand with support and enjoy games, such as peek-a-boo. And by nine months, they may babble and say simple words.
When parents know what to expect at each stage of their child's development, they can encourage progress by helping young children to be physically active and learn new motor skills, to develop a varied vocabulary, to play well with other children and learn new social skills, and to develop intellectually. In these early years, children learn primarily through play and interaction with others.
It is common sense that parental love and nurturing help babies form strong attachments for optimal development. Babies who are neglected or who receive inadequate, mechanical, or inconsistent care experience stress, which can have an adverse affect on the brain's biochemistry, potentially resulting in developmental delays.
To foster your child's development in many areas, child development experts recommend responding consistently to your baby's cries and showing continuing love and affection.
Also, promote language and social development and build a stronger bond by talking to your baby throughout the day in a pleasant tone and reading aloud, starting at an early age. Children who are exposed to language such as frequent reading, talking, and singing have more developed brains than other children. Avoid using baby talk, however, and pronouncing words incorrectly, such as using "baba" for bottle.
Babies and toddlers should not be confined to a crib or playpen because they need opportunities to move, and they need sounds and images. Remember that every experience helps to build the brain connections that guide development.
Parents want the best for their children, so it is critical not to underestimate the importance of quality care during the first three years of life. In fact, your child's future depends on it.
More than half of parents of 1-year-olds in the United States share their caregiving tasks with child care providers who play an important role in nurturing child development. Although mothers often feel guilty for leaving their infant in the care of others during the day, extensive research shows that quality child care does not adversely affect child development or the close bond with parents. However, quality is the key issue. High quality care is related to better cognitive performance, higher language ability, higher level of school readiness, and fewer behavioral problems in day care.
According to the National Child Care Information Center, the following are indicators of good quality child care.
- Smaller groups of children and a smaller adult-to-child ratio. (No more than one adult to three infants or one adult to four children aged 18 months to three years)
- Continuity of care: children cannot form close, trusting relationships with caregivers who come and go every six months
- A clean, healthy, and safe environment
- Responsive caregiving
- Qualified staff: caregivers with degrees or special training are better prepared to provide adequate care and help your child grow
- Child care resources and referral organizations help locate child care providers in their area. Call 1-800-424-2246 for a child care provider referral.
- Accreditation: Find out if child care providers are accredited or have been accredited by a national organization. Select providers that have met the voluntary national child care standards that are more stringent than most state licensing requirements. Contact the National Association for the Education of Young Children and the National Association for Family Child Care for information on these standards.
Services are available for young children of low-income families who may need assistance in fostering healthy growth through the early development stages. Research shows that poverty is linked with slowed cognitive and behavioral development. Without interventions, many children in low-income families may not be ready to start kindergarten at age 5 and may lag behind other children in developmental milestones.
The Head Start program, administered by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS), is provided in most communities for children from birth to age five through child care and at-home services for children and parents in low-income families.
Services provided through Head Start include child care and educational programs, and medical, dental, and mental health care for children. Families may receive referrals, family needs assessments, parenting education and training, and crisis intervention. Head Start social workers provide individualized services for each child and family, based on their needs.
Head Start interventions are particularly beneficial because they work with the child and parent together. According to DHHS research, mothers in a 1996-2001 intervention study were more emotionally responsive to their children and showed more warmth and affection than mothers who did not receive the Head Start parent education training.
Studies showed that by the time the children in Head Start programs were age two, they had larger vocabularies, higher sustained attention to toys or other objects, and lower levels of aggressive behavior than children not in the program. Interventions, such as the Head Start program, are more effective when they are provided in the first two to three years of a child's life than when provided later in life to correct developmental delays or problem behaviors.
Most parents will readily admit that parenting young children is one tough job. From the "terrible two's" to potty training, and from temper tantrums to eating and sleeping problems, behavioral issues are a fact of everyday life. Parents who are having difficulties with their children or who suspect their child has developmental delays can find help in their community. Social workers help parents locate needed services from local agencies, medical centers, schools, and organizations; provide parenting programs; and offer family counseling. Sometimes a little assistance from others can make the early childhood years more satisfying for parents and benefit infants, toddlers, and preschoolers during their prime learning years.
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Tags: babies, care, child, childhood, communication, development, early childhood, help, love, parenting, risk, services
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Introduction |
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Behavioral Therapy |
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Which Treatment? |
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Social Skills Training |
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Medications |
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Support Groups |
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Psychotherapy |
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Parenting Skills Training |
Introduction
If your child is suspected of having Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), the diagnosis should be made by a professional with training in ADHD. This includes child psychiatrists, psychologists, developmental/ behavioral pediatricians, behavioral neurologists, and clinical social workers. After ruling out other possible reasons for the child's behavior, the specialist checks the child's school and medical records and talks to teachers and parents who have filled out a behavior rating scale for the child. A diagnosis is made only after all this information has been considered.
For children with ADHD, no single treatment is the answer for every child. A child may sometimes have undesirable side effects to a medication that would make that particular treatment unacceptable. And if a child with ADHD also has anxiety or depression, a treatment combining medication and behavioral therapy might be best. Each child’s needs and personal history must be carefully considered.
For decades, medications have been used to treat the symptoms of ADHD.The medications that seem to be the most effective are a class of drugs known as stimulants.
Some people get better results from one medication, some from another. It is important to work with the prescribing physician to find the right medication and the right dosage. For many people, the stimulants dramatically reduce their hyperactivity and impulsivity and improve their ability to focus, work, and learn. The medications may also improve physical coordination, such as that needed in handwriting and in sports.
The stimulant drugs come in long- and short-term forms. The newer sustained-release stimulants can be taken before school and are long-lasting so that the child does not need to go to the school nurse every day for a pill. The doctor can discuss with the parents the child’s needs and decide which preparation to use and whether the child needs to take the medicine during school hours only or in the evening and on weekends too.
If the child does not show symptom improvement after taking a medication for a week, the doctor may try adjusting the dosage. If there is still no improvement, the child may be switched to another medication. About one out of ten children is not helped by a stimulant medication. Other types of medication may be used if stimulants don’t work or if the ADHD occurs with another disorder. Antidepressants and other medications can help control accompanying depression or anxiety.
Several intervention approaches are available. Knowing something about the various types of interventions makes it easier for families to choose a therapist that is right for their needs.
Psychotherapy works to help people with ADHD to like and accept themselves despite their disorder. It does not address the symptoms or underlying causes of the disorder. In psychotherapy, patients talk with the therapist about upsetting thoughts and feelings, explore self-defeating patterns of behavior, and learn alternative ways to handle their emotions. As they talk, the therapist tries to help them understand how they can change or better cope with their disorder.
Behavioral helps people develop more effective ways to work on immediate issues. Rather than helping the child understand his or her feelings and actions, it helps directly in changing their thinking and coping and thus may lead to changes in behavior. The support might be practical assistance, like help in organizing tasks or schoolwork or dealing with emotionally charged events. Or the support might be in self-monitoring one’s own behavior and giving self-praise or rewards for acting in a desired way such as controlling anger or thinking before acting.
Social skills training can also help children learn new behaviors. In social skills training, the therapist discusses and models appropriate behaviors important in developing and maintaining social relationships, like waiting for a turn, sharing toys, asking for help, or responding to teasing, then gives children a chance to practice. For example, a child might learn to “read” other people’s facial expression and tone of voice in order to respond appropriately. Social skills training helps the child to develop better ways to play and work with other children.
Support groups help parents connect with other people who have similar problems and concerns with their ADHD children. Members of support groups often meet on a regular basis (such as monthly) to hear lectures from experts on ADHD, share frustrations and successes, and obtain referrals to qualified specialists and information about what works. There is strength in numbers, and sharing experiences with others who have similar problems helps people know that they aren’t alone. National organizations are listed at the end of this document.
Parenting skills training, offered by therapists or in special classes, gives parents tools and techniques for managing their child’s behavior. One such technique is the use of token or point systems for immediately rewarding good behavior or work. Another is the use of “time-out” or isolation to a chair or bedroom when the child becomes too unruly or out of control. During time-outs, the child is removed from the agitating situation and sits alone quietly for a short time to calm down. Parents may also be taught to give the child “quality time” each day, in which they share a pleasurable or relaxing activity. During this time together, the parent looks for opportunities to notice and point out what the child does well, and praise his or her strengths and abilities.
This system of rewards and penalties can be an effective way to modify a child’s behavior. The parents (or teacher) identify a few desirable behaviors that they want to encourage in the child—such as asking for a toy instead of grabbing it, or completing a simple task. The child is told exactly what is expected in order to earn the reward. The child receives the reward when he performs the desired behavior and a mild penalty when he doesn’t. A reward can be small, perhaps a token that can be exchanged for special privileges, but it should be something the child wants and is eager to earn. The penalty might be removal of a token or a brief time-out. Make an effort to find your child being good . The goal, over time, is to help children learn to control their own behavior and to choose the more desired behavior. The technique works well with all children, although children with ADHD may need more frequent rewards.
In addition, parents may learn to structure situations in ways that will allow their child to succeed. This may include allowing only one or two playmates at a time, so that their child doesn’t get overstimulated. Or if their child has trouble completing tasks, they may learn to help the child divide a large task into small steps, then praise the child as each step is completed. Regardless of the specific technique parents may use to modify their child’s behavior, some general principles appear to be useful for most children with ADHD. These include providing more frequent and immediate feedback (including rewards and punishment), setting up more structure in advance of potential problem situations, and providing greater supervision and encouragement to children with ADHD in relatively unrewarding or tedious situations.
Parents may also learn to use stress management methods, such as meditation, relaxation techniques, and exercise, to increase their own tolerance for frustration so that they can respond more calmly to their child’s behavior.
Source: National Institute of Mental Health, www.nimh.nih.gov
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Tags: ADHD, Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, behavioral therapy, medications, parenting, psychotherapy, social skills, support groups, training, treatment
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