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Posts Tagged ‘
parents ’
Introduction
Traditionally, homework time as been a time when parents and children become adversaries. Parents cajole and coax children into doing homework while children resist and complain. There are, however, some tricks that parents can use to help make the homework experience more tolerable and productive. Following these suggestions may not make homework fun all the time, but it may lessen the sting of this necessary part of the educational experience.
- Be the parent, not the teacher. Support, encourage, and assist if needed, but keep job descriptions clear. Parents can reinforce the learning process by helping with homework when needed.
- Make homework an event and fun when possible. Give rewards (M&Ms, pretzels, pennies, etc.) for work well done. Take short breaks between subjects or sets of problems. Do something physical, such as calisthenics or a run around the house, pet the dog, and then back to work. Breaks should be short, so as not to get distracted by other things.
- Give lots of positive reinforcement. Play down negative behaviors. Use non-emotional, matter-of-fact responses to failure. Don't tell the child what to do, but rather lead them to their own solutions. Good, probing questions might be:
- What makes math easier for you?
- Can you think of what helps you when math goes ok?
- What would you say that you do differently when that happens?
- What do you have to do to make that happen more often?
- Set a pattern of doing homework in the same place and at about the same time each day. This should be in a well-lit, comfortable place with as few distractions as possible. No TV or loud music. Parents can play soft background music if they wish.
- Build rituals and routines into the homework schedule – drinks, snacks, regular times, same place, rewards, etc. Children gain security from consistent and predictable patterns. It teaches them self-discipline and gives them comfortable, yet flexible structures.
- Negotiate the homework schedule. Let the child have some input into the schedule, but keep it consistent as much as possible.
- Each child and each family has different needs. Some children need to unwind after school, so for them, playtime should come first. Homework can be after dinner or at least after some relaxation time.
Teach the child that being a student is a job just like the parent is an accountant, secretary, homemaker, salesperson, etc. Once the work is done they can have fun.
- Use a sign-off plan for completed homework. Children must show parents their finished assignments and parents either sign the work or a notebook that both keep. This can sometimes be a cooperative venture with the child's teacher if homework has been a special problem for this child. This holds the child accountable for their work.
- If parents and the child fight often, get a tutor or a homework helper before homework becomes World War III. Recognize when parents may be as much a part of the problem as the child and change the relationship.
- Listen to the children—don’t preach! If they come home in a miserable mood saying they hate the teacher, this is not the time to talk them out of it. Listen to what went wrong today, reflect their feelings, and empathize with them. Parents can put themselves in the child's place.…Remember bad days at school or work and being told not to feel that way? Home should be a place where the child can safely express their feelings without repercussions. Allow them to get the feelings out before they have to return to school.
- Parents do not have to agree with teachers all the time. Some teachers do make mistakes and some teachers are unfair. However, this is a life lesson. Help children realize that even when the teacher is in the wrong, they are in authority. In life we all must deal with people who have authority over us. We don't have to like it, but we have to cope with it. Remember, however, that teachers need the support of parents to effectively educate.
- Do not punish a second time for the same crime. If a child gets in trouble at school, there are consequences. Support those consequences and do not interfere by adding more punishment at home. This will encourage the child to be honest with parents about what happens at school and not fearful that it will be worse at home. However, if the behavior becomes too repetitive or disruptive, then additional home consequences may be indicated to reinforce. Use this only under extreme circumstances and confer with the teacher and/or administrators.
- Communicate and cooperate with the teacher and other school staff, but don't assume responsibilities that belong to the child. Help them handle situations on their own as much as possible.
- How well the child does in school is not an evaluation of parenting skills. What matters is how open, loving, and affirming parents are with children while teaching them how to live life effectively. Many times, students who struggle through school grow up to be talented, charming, and successful adults…even Nobel Prize winners or presidents. Avoid letting a difficult school experience diminish anyone's self-esteem.
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Introduction
By now, many children have witnessed, over and over again on television, acts of horrific violence and destruction. As a consequence, you may notice that your child may begin to act differently. Following are some of the ways children respond and react to violence they've watched on TV.
- Vivid memories about the events. Your child probably can and will remember detailed scenes of the traumatic incidents he or she has viewed. Children often draw pictures of the disturbing scenes or even act out what they've seen in play.
- Questions and concerns. Your child may ask numerous questions about the disturbing images he or she has seen and may be frightened that similar acts of terrorism will occur again. Of course, it is natural for children to be alert and concerned, but excessive worries are a sign that children are having difficulty processing what they've witnessed.
- Upset feelings or listlessness. Your child may become more easily upset or angry. Or your child may appear to be just the opposite and seem not to care about anything at all.
- A need to talk about it. Children often feel the need to talk about what happened (the traumatic event) again and again. Even a generally quiet child may talk a lot about what he or she saw, felt and did during the time he or she witnessed the troubling event.
- Trouble sitting still. Your child may become more active, have problems paying attention, and be more impatient.
- Nightmares and trouble sleeping. Your child may be afraid to go to sleep or wake up frightened from bad dreams.
- Fears of being alone. Some children are afraid of being left alone. Your child may cling to you and may be frightened of leaving home to go to school.
- Physical problems. Your child may suffer from headaches, stomach aches, nausea, and fatigue.
You can help your child through this difficult time by:
- Letting your child talk about the incidents. It may be painful, but the best thing you can do for children is to listen to their stories, let them draw pictures and/or act out the incidents in their play. Talking, drawing and play-acting are healthy and natural ways for children to work through difficult reactions.
- Comforting your child. Make it a point to hold and comfort your child more during this time of adjustment. Your child is reaching out to you for security. Extra love and affection will not spoil him or her and instead will speed emotional healing.
- Not being over-protective. This may be the most difficult for you to do, but you must fight the temptation to over-protect your child. It may be very hard even to let him or her out of your sight, but it’s important that your child returns to a regular routine as soon as possible.
- Being a good example. Actions speak louder than words, and by your actions, you can set an example for your child of how to handle these reactions in a productive way. Behave in ways that communicate to your child that the world is safe to live in even though very bad and scary things do happen at times.
- Encouraging your child to help and reach out to others. If your child is able, you may want to encourage him or her to make a positive difference by, for example, offering a donation to the Red Cross or other volunteer organizations. This is something that you and your child can do together and the act will increase your child's sense of safety with you as well as in the world.
- Seeking help if your child is suffering severe and prolonged problems. Your child needs more help if he or she is having extreme reactions, such as repeated nightmares, “flashbacks” of the event, crying spells, behavior problems, and panic reactions. If you feel you've tried to help your child work through his or her reactions to regain a sense of safety, but your child's fears, sadness or anxiety does not seem to be relieved, don't hesitate to seek help from a social worker, pastor, school counselor or other caring individual.
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Tags: children, Lynn Hagan, nightmares, parents, talk, terrorism, tips, trouble sleeping, violence, your child
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NOTE: Ms. Julie Niven is social worker practicing in the Bering Straits region of Alaska.
Introduction
Children of all ages learn from everything they see, hear, and do and from everyone they meet. Children learn from their teachers, from the clinic health aides, from those they visit with and observe in their communities, and most importantly from their parents. Parenting is probably the most important job on the planet. Being a good role model is one of the most important parts of parenting.
Research shows that as few as 15 quality minutes daily with your child can make a world of difference in a child's healthy development. Who better to entrust the future of one's culture with than one's child? Each day take time to talk and listen to your child. Each day teach your child through example the traditional values that sustain healthy village life.
In every village I visit I hear parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles telling children, "I love you." These three words are one of the greatest gifts a child can be given. Followed up with a hug or extended hand to hold increases the gift's value. An equally important daily gift can be that of sharing time with your child. Sharing oneself with one's children helps children feel safe. When children feel safe, they are able to reach out, interact with the world around them, and learn.
What is success and how can parents role model success for their children? Success can mean a high school diploma or a college degree to some. To others, success can mean being a family provider, a carver, skin sewer, beader, or weaver. Parents must decide how they define success within their family and then work to role model this for their children.
Being a good role model for your children will not always win parents the "most popular" award. Saying "no" when necessary and giving children age appropriate restrictions probably will not be something your children will thank you for now, but so many times they will come back to thank you after they have grown up!
Some of the important lessons to role model for children include:
- How to manage disappointment and how to calm oneself when angry
- How to stand up for oneself in nonviolent ways when called names and bullied
- How to find support in friends, teachers and extended family members
- How to show respect – listen to parents, and elders, and not talk back
- How to have healthy, safe relationships – both with friends and in dating relationships
- How to study and do well in school
- How to set goals for a happy future
- How to be a helpful member of the household by doing one's share
- How to turn down drugs and alcohol – as substance use conflicts with traditional values
- How to have fun, laugh and play safely
- How to share – both one's things as well as oneself
- How to value life – as self-harm and harm to others conflicts with traditional values
Many of the skills listed above mirror Native Alaskan traditional values. Parents teach the traditional value of sharing and taking care of others as they themselves take good care of their children day to day. Providing food, clothing and a warm place to sleep satisfies a child's physical needs. Teaching skills through hunting, gathering, food preparation/storage, craftwork and dancing helps take care of a child's mental and emotional need to feel connected to his or her culture. Teaching children about a caretaker we cannot see helps provide spiritual nurturance.
Role modeling the traditional lifestyle teaches children how to set goals and plan for the future. Boats, four-wheelers and snow machines must be maintained and readied before the hunt. Guns, harpoons and ulus must be kept clean and ready year round. When parents role model respect for the tools used to survive, children learn respect not only for practical things but for themselves and others as well.
The traditional lifestyle brings surplus and scarcity as the seasons change. Participating as a member of the family or a hunting team helps a child learn how to manage disappointments and anger. The skills parents teach their children at home, out on the tundra, river or sea can help children better manage frustration during their school day as well. Elders know that things are not always going to go the way we want them to, but that it is no good to give up.
When parents model patience and a never-give-up attitude, children grow up relying on their wits rather than alcohol and drugs to manage disappointment. Alcohol and drug use is especially dangerous when young people are angry, as so many instances of self harm and harm towards others occur while under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Children cannot learn how to take care of themselves, the land and each other when they are having thoughts of self harm. If your child tells you he or she is thinking about hurting him or herself, listen and take your child seriously. This is a time when parents often need help outside of the family. Clinic staff, a behavioral health worker, a pastor or tribal healer are resources ready to help when called upon.
“Yuut elluatumek piaqata tamaa kiturtelaraat” translated means people who do wrong are corrected on the spot. Disciplining children is probably the most difficult part of parenting. Parents naturally want to give everything to their children and want their children to always be happy. But “no” is a word we all need to learn to deal with.
Self-discipline is learned through sharing what we might like to keep for ourselves, by accepting that we aren't always going to be the one to bring home the catch, by respectfully listening to our elders' advice even when we think we know it all already, and by respecting and taking care of ourselves even when we don't feel like it. Parents can teach good behavior by correcting their children on the spot when they do something that goes against traditional values. Parents can role model self-discipline by correcting themselves when they make mistakes as well. Mistakes are a normal part of living. The value is in the lesson learned from the mistake.
Being a good parent is not always easy. Social workers can help with parenting concerns and challenges. Seek help as you feel you need it from friends, family, pastors, tribal healers, clinic staff or a mental health worker. It is wise to ask for help when we need it.
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Tags: Alaska, Alaskan, children, discipline, Julie Niven, life skills, lifestyle, models, native, parenting, parents, role, role model, traditional
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Introduction
Parents of children with special needs (such as health, emotional, or behavioral conditions) often experience a complex array of feelings, including sadness, despair, uncertainty, anger, and loss. Leaving behind all they had previously known, families are faced with a new perception of daily life and asked to adapt to new and challenging responsibilities. In the first several months following diagnosis, the family’s focus centers on the child and his or her schedule for treatment, doctor’s visits, and life style adjustments. While the parents endure this necessary yet challenging phase, their own needs often fall by the wayside.
Mothers and fathers play an important role as parents but they also play an equally important role as spouses to one another. Given the significant stressors that families face, it is not unreasonable to expect their marital satisfaction to be impacted during this time. The ways in which each spouse reacts to and copes with the stress of their child’s illness has a dramatic influence on their relationship. Each partner deals with powerful feelings and responsibilities in their own individual way. Often times, this is the first time that parents see how their partner copes with tremendous disappointment and loss. Some coping styles are complementary while others contrast. One partner may be very expressive about how they are feeling, while the other may need space and time to sort through their feelings. It is important to recognize that all parents cope differently.
Societal expectations influence how parents "should" respond further reinforcing the demands specific to each partner. Many mothers feel like they need to do "everything." Mothers often feel pressure to continue to meet the needs of their husbands, household obligations, and other siblings. Unfortunately, they often leave behind their own needs and places of employment.
Fathers commonly state that there is an increased need to continue to provide for their families while under duress and to fight the stigma against being weak, sad, or tearful. Rather, they should be brave, strong, and in control. In trying to live up to the expectations of others, some fathers let go of their need for expression, connection, and time with their partner and family.
Over time the pressure to fulfill these demands becomes too great. Parents are bombarded with financial, emotional, and physical burdens. They are confronted with social isolation, communication breakdown, sibling resentment, conflict, role reversal, and a loss of intimacy.
When both partners are hurting, it is difficult for them to be supportive of one another. Spouses become convenient targets for each other’s anger and frustration. Stress and the threat of loss can intensify our need for love, affection, and reassurance and change our expectations of how our partners should behave. These changes highlight any potential insecurities or difficulties already existent within the relationship. Secure attachment, or the sense that one can count on their loved one, has been linked to resilience or the ability to deal with stress effectively. This "secure attachment" is a buffer against ongoing stress and the negative effects that stress might have on their relationship.
In the greatest race of their life, couples often forget which team they are on and turn against one another. In the face of such adversity we often ask what options couples are left with. Is it possible for couples to advocate for the needs of their child and at the same time the needs of their marriage as well?
Couples can maintain their relationship by using communication methods that work for them such as the following:
- Spouses need to identify one another’s needs and means of expression.
- Setting aside time each day to touch base with one another will prevent communication breakdowns and the build-up of resentment.
- Couples need to practice active listening. This enables each partner to feel truly heard by the other and to promote a genuine sharing of their experience.
- For couples that find active listening challenging, the creation of a daily sharing notebook is passed back and forth to maintain connection and enhance communication.
- The sharing of emotions such as anger, fear, and hope foster attachment and intimacy.
Couples need to create opportunities or activities including:
- Scheduling a date night every week. Although this seems difficult, many couples find it enhances their relationship. They can make this a reality by finding a friend or a family member that they trust to baby-sit for them.
- Selecting one activity that you always do alone together or a time of day that you always spend together. It is not important what you choose to do, but rather, that you make it a regular priority to do something together as a couple.
When couples spend positive time alone together they can begin to engage in and respond to one another’s needs. These positive interactions promote open communication, the ability to empathize, and hear other’s perspectives in a way that builds trust, intimacy, and security.
It is not uncommon for couples to need some help from professionals during this time. Communication skills and the art of compromise are often looked upon lightly. However, in the midst of a crisis, it can be quite difficult to master these tasks. Parents may choose to pursue short-term couples counseling to enhance communication practices, work through differences, or repair old wounds that have been brought to the surface in light of the recent crisis. The tools obtained in counseling will not only benefit the family in the short-term but will carry them through the longevity of their marriage.
Living successfully with a child with special needs requires good planning, effective coping strategies, and a lot of love. Parents are confronted with a challenge they are not prepared for and are asked to relinquish control of their previous life. They take on a host of new roles including medical experts, advocates, and insurance warriors. In doing so, their own needs often get neglected and their marriages go unnoticed. Despite the needs of their child, parents must find a way to support one another and meet their own needs as well. In doing so, they will not only help themselves but their child as well.
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Introduction
A postponed meeting on drug and alcohol use among high school students took on more importance last week after the recent death of a young Homer woman from a drug overdose. Even before Bethany Woodworth, 19, died last month, the Homer High School Parent Teacher Association had planned a presentation to discuss the issue. The PTA postponed the presentation when the featured speaker, Homer Police Sgt. Lary Kuhns, had to cancel because of illness.
 Photo by Michael Armstrong, Homer News
Homer High School Principal Ron Keffer, left, talks about drugs and alcohol at the high school as Alaska State Trooper Sgt. Tom Dunn, center, and PTA President Rachael Roe, right, listen. Sgt. Lary Kuhns, left, and Sgt. Will Hutt, right, stand behind them. |
Last Thursday, Kuhns made it, and fellow police, mental health clinicians and school officials showed up in force to back up his message: Methamphetamine as a drug problem has arrived on the lower Kenai Peninsula.
Kuhns said meth is widespread in Alaska.
"It's been a problem all over, but seems to have increased the last few years," he said.
"It's not a matter of when, because it's already here," added Paul Morton, a licensed professional counselor and former California police officer.
Morton and Kuhns, along with Alaska State Trooper Sgt. Tom Dunn, police Sgt. Will Hutt, high school principal Ron Keffer and Jim Henkelman, a licensed clinical social worker with Community Mental Health Center, spoke to about 70 people — mostly parents. PTA President Rachael Roe said she wanted the meeting to be positive and proactive, with the focus of getting information out to parents on Homer's drug and alcohol problem.
Kuhns said there are about 50 recipes for making meth, using basic ingredients like pseudo ephedrine, iodine and matchbook strikers. Henkelman said a Google search of "meth recipes" yields 120,00 hits — actually, it's more like 689,000 hits.
Henkelman said cooking meth is highly profitable. About $20 in ingredients makes $1,500 of meth. Meth gives a longer high than cocaine, 12 hours instead of an hour, for about the same price, $120 a gram.
Meth may be a monetary bargain, but the psychological cost is greater.
"It is actually much worse than cocaine," Morton said. "It's the most diabolical drug I've seen."
Most of the speakers laid out a clear message to parents. To reduce meth use, the community has to take a strong, zero-
tolerance stand against drugs — including marijuana. Meth is often sprinkled onto marijuana and smoked, Henkelman said.
"I think something we're going to have to seriously think about is our general attitude toward substance abuse," he said.
Dunn and police said they can increase law enforcement and make drug arrests, but they need support from the community. If people see suspected drug dealing or meth cooking, they should take down information like license plates, descriptions of people and other details. Witnesses also have to be willing to go public and testify in court.
"I want members (of the community) to call us and tell us everything they know," Dunn said. "We want you to go the whole nine yards."
Henkelman said meth labs can be identified by frequent visitors and activity at a house, fences, drawn windows, chemical odors and trash with lots of pill or iodine bottles. Meth cooks also smoke cigarettes outdoors for fear of igniting hazardous chemicals.
"It's like walking into a potential bomb," he said.
At Homer High School, suspensions for marijuana and alcohol doubled this year, with 20 suspensions, all but one first-time, Keffer said.
"We haven't found meth," he said. "But that's because we can't detect it."
Keffer said meth isn't as obvious as marijuana and alcohol. Teachers and officials usually catch students by smelling marijuana or alcohol on their breath or clothes. Sometimes officials smell marijuana or alcohol but don't find it. In that case, parents are called and alerted to possible substance abuse.
Police don't want to arrest users, Hutt said. They're after the big fish, the small-time meth cooks and the dealers. If a student had a drug problem and sought police help, Hutt said the intent of the police isn't to get an arrest or conviction.
"It would be to get them treatment," he said.
Keffer called for parents to be firm with their children.
"Kids need to understand what our attitude is," he said. "What kids are hearing in our community is not crystal clear. They are enabled in concrete ways to use drugs."
He noted that in most cases where students are caught with drugs or alcohol, they got it from their parents.
"Parents have to work on the same page. We're in this together," Keffer said.
Mickey Todd noted the relatively low turnout among parents at the PTA meeting is part of the problem. At elementary school PTA meetings, almost 100 percent of parents attend big meetings. With 450 students at the high school, Thursday night's parent attendance was well below 100 percent.
"There are a percentage of parents who care about their kids," Todd said. "But there are a percentage who don't."
Several parents whose children have struggled with drugs spoke at the meeting. Janet Mullen, who has spoken at other meetings about her 17-year-old son's meth addiction, said her son fit the pattern. He was awake for long stretches and then would crash. Mullen's son is now in treatment, and still has cravings after being off meth for four months. Mullen thinks one solution to detect meth and other drugs would be to get a drug-sniffing dog on the lower Kenai Peninsula. She's leading a fund-raising campaign to raise money for such a dog.
Francie Roberts, a high school teacher, suggested simple things like parent teas. Parents could get together for informal gatherings and share information about their kids. She's done this before, and as simple as it sounds, it works.
"It frightens kids to death," she said.
Roe said parents need to stay involved with their children. She told of how when her daughter got into a little trouble, she kept on her.
"When are you going to give up on me?" Roe said her daughter asked.
"I said ‘never,'" she said.
Community involvement is the key, Dunn and others kept repeating.
"The community has to step up and say ‘This is enough,'" he added.
Another town meeting on meth is scheduled for 7 p.m., April 24 at the Community Christian Church on Bartlett Street, said Peter Nagle, the Homer artist who organized a meeting two weeks ago.
Michael Armstrong can be reached at michael.armstrong@homernews.com.
Reprinted with Permission of www.HomerNews.com.
Tags: Alaska, children, HomerNews, law enforcement, meth, meth lab, Michael Armstrong, overdose, parents, profit, real life story
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Introduction
You celebrate when your child receives a college acceptance letter or gets the first job they've been hoping for after high school. Furniture is passed on, new sheets are purchased, and you help them move into their new apartment or dorm room. A last kiss on the cheek, a long hug, and then you're back on the road, going to an empty home. After eighteen-plus years of being a mother or a father, that first step into a childless home can be many things: heart-rending, challenging, exciting or perhaps just lonely. What do you do now?
All parents may one day have to confront the silence of an empty nest. And yet, we know that mothers and fathers deal with the experience in different ways. Fathers, who may have been more removed from their children's lives due to their careers, tend to want to establish a closer relationship with their grown children. Mothers, on the other hand, who may have had an intimate relationship with their children, see a lessening of their roll as family caretaker; suddenly there are no varsity games to attend, no more PTA meetings, less laundry in the hamper, and more quiet, free time.
Women many times react positively to this change. Perhaps they choose to get a new job, or revitalize their circles of friends or engage in a hobby that has interested them their entire lives, but to which they've never been able to devote adequate time.
But an empty nest causes mothers and fathers to reevaluate their lives in different ways, and it's not uncommon for marital tensions to escalate. Searching to infuse a new purpose into their lives, the father may discover a renewed interest in familial bonds while the mother realizes the satisfaction that can accompany her own job, hobby or meetings with friends. Either spouse may look for attention or excitement outside the marriage in an extra-marital affair. Unfortunately, these new stresses can sometimes lead to separation or even divorce.
How can a couple best handle these matters? Talking to a family therapist can help resolve marital tensions. While couples only have to experience that first step into an empty nest once, therapists spend their entire lives working with couples and individuals as they decide how to confront the next phase of their lives.
By helping couples understand that men and women respond to this situation in different manners, a therapist can act as a neutral mediator, provide a safe environment for discussion and aid in opening the couple's lines of communication. For a couple, this understanding can potentially lead to mutual respect and appreciation as they embark on a new, exiting era of their lives. There are many highly qualified licensed clinical social workers available to provide family therapy. They have special training and expertise in counseling couples.
Kissing your child on the cheek and giving him, or her, a strong hug is an end of one portion of your life. But that first step into your empty home doesn't have to be purely upsetting or saddening. That step can be viewed as the beginning of a new, satisfying period for a couple, filled with shared appreciation and excitement.
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To read more articles by Peggy Levinson, please go to www.claytontherapy.com.
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Dawn Newsom wants to help kids.
She especially hopes to help them navigate the turbulent waters of social pressure and media exposure.
That’s why Newsom chose to be a clinical social worker. After receiving a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in social work, she held positions for more than seven years in child guidance clinics and agencies around Connecticut. Then she decided she wanted to have a private practice, working with young people in Ridgefield.
She has established her practice in the Center for Healing and Recovery, where she counsels children and adolescents individually and with their families.
“I like to engage children and their families,” Newsom said. “I communicate to parents that I’m on their side. That the fact that their child needs counseling is not that they did anything wrong. ‘We’re a team,’ I stress. Then once they feel safe and the child feels safe, we can look at what’s happening.”
Newsom helps parents remember the tension and stress of growing up and helps them become aware of the complicated societal issues that children must deal with today.
“I like to concentrate on the strengths of their relationships with their children — what they’re doing now that’s right and how they might improve on those things,” Newsom said.
Newsom said it is “challenging to raise a child today” because of the early exposure to adult content on television and the Internet.
“It can be unnerving,” she said. “I help parents explore ways to keep kids from this exposure and help them learn how to explain what is seen by kids to their kids.”
With the pace of life in the 21st Century, so much is jammed into every day by parents that they can overlook the little things that occur day to day, Newsom said.
“A lot of kids today don’t have adult guidance to help them navigate through life,” she said. “It’s hard enough to meet our own needs today. It’s hard to meet a child’s needs, too, and then deal with the challenges society puts on a child.”
Newsom works to help parents understand their kids’ needs and behavior.
She said she believes a child is never too young to be taken for counseling. With very young children, “you’re helping the parents,” she said.
Despite the age of the child, Newsom uses the component of play in her therapy sessions. Kids learn through playing, she said, and playing eases the child, allowing for relaxation and connection.
Having a bond of trust with her young patients is key.
“Especially with older kids, there is concern about my going back to their parents with what they say,” Newsom said. “We establish early on in the session what I share and what I don’t share. I explain there are some issues I’m obligated to report to parents, issues of the young person’s safety.”
“I am not their friend at school,” Newsom said. “We can act friendly, but we have a working relationship.”
Oftentimes Newsom treats the entire family. It is clear that the child is the identified patient, but she said she finds that if she can help change one thing for one person, she can often change things in the whole family dynamic. That is necessary for some families more than others, she said.
“I don’t find it as effective to see a child alone,” Newsom said. “You can’t treat a child in a vacuum. Possibly you can with a mature 17-year-old, but you are usually not as successful when just seeing a child alone.”
Newsom said she chose the Center for Healing and Recovery to establish her practice because of the “warmth and sense of safety and community” that exists there.
“I want my clients to neutralize any shame they might feel about needing help,” she said. “I want them to feel it’s OK to seek help. There is a community here at the center that supports that.”
At the center, yoga, art therapy and massage therapy is offered. Newsom said she likes being able to offer those options to her clients.
“You need to heal the body and the spirit,” she said. “Here, when there is a need for something to help clients, we practitioners put our heads together and develop workshops to meet those needs.”
Newsom can be reached at her business cell phone at (203) 512-8359 or the phone at the center at (203) 438-3007.
Reprinted with permission of the News Times.
Tags: Adolescents, child, clinical social worker, Danbury, Dawn Newsom, development, families, media, parents, real life, social work, Susan Tuz, team, The News Times, youth, youth counselor
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Introduction
In my role as supervisor of Resource Parent Training with the Child and Family Services Agency in the District of Columbia, I talk with and meet prospective foster and adoptive parents everyday. Once an individual who is interested in foster care or adoption submits an application at one of our Orientation sessions, I call them to schedule an office appointment. During this brief meeting, I explain the required paperwork and give them a folder of documents to work on prior to the pre-service training class they are planning to attend.
All applicants must complete a 30-hour program (the Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting) as part of the licensing process; these classes are held twice a week for five weeks. We start a new class every month of the year except December and we offer different combinations of class times so applicants have many opportunities to enroll. Though time-consuming for both presenters and participants, these classes are fun and rewarding. As a supervisor, I no longer am required to teach, but I sometimes volunteer to train with a new social worker in my unit or pinch-hit when someone is unavoidably absent. I always enjoy the time I spend in the classroom.
Recently, I met with a woman who I’d describe as the ideal candidate to be a foster or adoptive parent for a child from the Washington, DC neglect system. After speaking with her, I felt rejuvenated and reaffirmed in my conviction that I’m in the right place doing the job I need to be doing. What was it about her that made me feel this way? A number of factors come to mind: She had been thinking about adoption and foster care for a long time and had been informally helping children in her community – through tutoring and being a welcoming neighbor for many years. She had indicated on her application that she was interested in adoption but as soon as I asked her whether she’d also consider being a foster parent, she said, “yes.” Her level of openness signaled to me immediately that she is likely to be very successful in working with our foster care system.
This applicant was also forthcoming about several challenges she had faced in her own life. In our pre-service training, we stress how important it is to be able to talk about our own losses as adults so that we can be a guide for children who are suffering from the trauma of abuse and neglect combined with the loss of their birth family. This applicant exhibited an immediate comfort level with sharing some of these aspects of her life. At the same time, the information she provided on her application in addition to areas we discussed clearly established that her home life and career are stable and that she is in a reasonably financially secure position. We don’t look for applicants with high incomes, but all too often people come to the agency hoping to be foster parents when their own houses are not in order.
This applicant also expressed a willingness to engage with school age and older children. She was even interested in sibling groups, adolescents and teens who she could mentor into adulthood, even though they may maintain ties with members of their birth families. She communicated a sound appreciation for the needs of the children and youth and was able to set their needs clearly ahead of her own. She expressed a desire to build a family of her own through adoption while at the same time being open to helping children in a variety of ways as she moved towards this goal.
In contrast, I often speak with applicants who come with a narrow view of the type of child they are willing to consider parenting. Sadly, couples that have suffered infertility come to our agency hoping we can provide them with the perfect infant they have longed for or lost through miscarriage. When they hear that the majority of the babies committed to our system have been born drug-exposed or that we cannot guarantee that they will be available for adoption until we rule out any and all members of the birth family, these applicants can become deeply frustrated and hurt. I have to explain that this is one of the critical differences between a child welfare agency and an adoption agency: though we pursue adoption as a viable permanency goal whenever appropriate, our first mandate is to work with the birth family, except in extreme cases where reunification is not an option. I have witnessed a number of successful infant placements in my six years with the agency, as well as several painful disappointments.
I also speak with a number of well-meaning prospective foster/adoptive parents who feel that only a child under the age of five is “salvageable,” and that the older children are already “set in their ways.” I always tell prospective foster and adoptive families that I believe each family should pursue what feels right for them and never feel coerced into accepting a child into their home when the fit isn’t right, for whatever reason. But that being said, I also know the best rewards will come to those whose minds and hearts are the most open. I tell people too that having a child through whatever means – adoption, foster or kinship care, or biologically – takes a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. I’m not sure I could do what successful foster and adoptive parents do everyday, but I know what it takes.
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Tags: adoption, challenges, child, foster care, help, legal, parenting, parents, post-adoption, public agency, risk, types
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How Social Workers Help |
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