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Posts Tagged ‘
real life story ’
Introduction
It's all the same.
Carlene Cox, a local licensed clinical social worker has seen it all — hundreds of children and teens and adults of both genders and many backgrounds – and she's here to tell you it's all the same.
The nine-year-old molested by a favorite uncle; the cheerleader raped by her date after the prom; the college student assaulted by her crush in the shower of the coed dorm. Their lives and their locations and ages may bear nothing in common. But what follows the trauma is the same.
Acts of Betrayal
"With assault or betrayal by a parent, or primary caregiver relative, trusted friend or acquaintance, you're still looking at a betrayal in which you thought the world was a safe place – it was safe to be with a parent; it was safe to be with the acquaintance – so there was a certain amount of trust and confidence in that relationship. And then it happens; you're assaulted or attacked," Cox said.
Cox has teamed with the local battered women's shelter and rape crisis center OASIS to lead a 12-week course in recovery. Her clients are a mixed bunch that includes both sexual assault and abuse survivors.
"I'm not necessarily making the distinction here between the sexual abuse or sexual assault," Cox explained.
Carlene Cox, a local licensed clinical social worker has seen it all.
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Therapists Deal with the After Effects
"Because if you're talking about what we do therapeutically, we're dealing with the after-effects. How does that shape an individual's world-view? Can they trust the world in the same way? Is it safe for them to have relationships? Often times they don't feel that it is."
Not that everyone reacts with exactly the same symptoms, Cox said. And what came before the assault, she said, will have some bearing on the behavior that follows.
"[The victim's] level of confidence before an incident often affects the way they come out of it," she explained. "Children tend to be very, very resilient. It doesn't mean there are no after-effects."
The symptoms will generally show themselves during "major life transitions," Cox said. "Things that normally happen in life: marriage, death, birth, divorce – you typically see things triggered during these major life events."
Symptoms Appearing During Stress
And while the symptoms may peak during life's most stressful times, what often goes undetected are the subtler neuroses that follow the survivors of sexual trauma every day of their lives.
What happens to victims of sexual trauma, Cox said, is similar to what happens to battle-weary veterans whose return to civilian life is disrupted by post-traumatic stress disorder.
"A lot of them have active flashbacks, hyper-vigilance, [insomnia], a lot of overt symptoms going on," she said. "They're in survival mode all the time, just as though they'd just gotten back from a war. And most of the time, they're not even aware they're doing this. They aren't at all aware of the ways they're trying to stay safe.
"Fear of betrayal; fear of trusting; insecurity about which way to go. Those symptoms are internalized and manifested in a lot of ways," she explained.
Post Traumatic Stress
"The easiest way to connect that is going to be post-traumatic stress, which people most often identify with veterans. Except, I could tell you that I see a lot of folks at New River [Mental Health], and I would say that about 75 percent – if not more – of the female clients that I see have trauma. Many of them have never dealt with those issues. They're looking at depression, all kinds of [symptoms]. Except when you move all of that out of the way, it's trauma.
The victims of sexual assault are as likely to blame themselves as are those around them.
As social beings, Cox said, people begin as children looking for their place in the broader society. Parents are "good" in a child's eyes, because they provide the essentials of survival.
When a parent or trusted adult betrays that trust through sexual abuse, the child blames himself, because he's already established that parents are good.
That world-view carries forward to later life, Cox said, and lends itself to self-blame, even in adults.
"We work to be part of things," she said. "Part of work, part of family, part of all kinds of things. We're social. So, that self-doubt comes in from all manner of things. ‘How could I have trusted him? Why didn't I see that?'"
But, why the blame from society itself, often even from close friends and family?
When the Victim Is Not Believed
"When I'm working with survivors of assault or abuse, they're like, ‘Well, I told this person but I wasn't believed.' And the people they're trying to tell, we would have thought they would have had [the victim's] best interest at heart. But what they got, instead, was denial.
"And you'd think, ‘Well, how could that be? How could this person who cares about this victim deny this story?' What I say to them, especially if it's a parent or someone who has some kind of protective role with this victim, is that they can't afford to not deny it. If they look themselves in the mirror, what would they say? ‘What kind of father am I? I couldn't protect my little girl. What kind of a mother am I? I didn't do my job.'"
"Notice what it opens up for them – their own vulnerability and fears. How might a father take it if his little girl gets raped on campus? He's still going to look at it as, somehow he didn't do something right. It's incredible the amount of guilt people will take on."
Session Groups Help Work Through the Pain
Carlene Cox has already begun her first 12-week closed session group through OASIS. Closed sessions mean no one will be added until the next 12-week session begins. The group meets for 90 minutes once a week.
"The purpose of the group is to increase their awareness of who really had the responsibility for this. Because often the survivors take on that responsibility. ‘It was my fault. I did something wrong.' That self-doubt. But the group is designed to help the survivors recognize that it wasn't their fault. And to get them moving from being victims to survivors. Because they really did survive. And then to empower them rather than to have them remain paralyzed, Cox said.
"(Survivors) are requested to tell their story. It's part of the healing. Because, whether you're dealing with assault – or, oftentimes incest or abuse like that – many, many victims of this type of assault and abuse keep that secret. They can't talk about it because they're ashamed and feel guilt. The after-effects of this are so pervasive and affects every part of who they are – their ability to have significant relationships, to feel good about themselves, to achieve goals, and have hope about the future. It's manifested in all kinds of difficult symptoms and illnesses. They begin to be validated in this group. They're in a place in which they can be believed. And they can share their stories with the support of one another."
Originally published by High Country Media, Boone, NC, and published here by permission.
Tags: assault, betrayal, Carlene Cox, clinical, fault, licensed, mountain times, post traumatic stress, rape, real life story, sexual, social worker, trust, victim, victims
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Introduction
More than 350 graduate and undergraduate social work students from across the state gathered at Lawyer’s Mall in Annapolis on Feb. 24 for Social Work Student Advocacy Day to advocate for vulnerable children and families further impaired by budget cuts to services. School of Social Work students have traveled to Annapolis for the last 10 years to rally and receive updates from legislators on bills addressing various social problems such as homelessness, health care, domestic violence, addiction, and child abuse.
“When we first started doing this 10 years ago, it was a handful of students and a couple of boxes of Dunkin’ Donut Munchkins,” says Gisele Feretto, MSW, an instructor at the School of Social Work’s Title-IV-E Education For Public Child Welfare program. She has organized the annual rally for a decade and has seen the event grow each year with students from other schools joining the effort.
At the rally, students were joined by professional social workers, members of the Maryland chapter of the National Association of Social Work (NASW-MD), social work educators from across the state and Department of Human Resources Secretary Christopher McCabe, who spoke to the crowd.
“Many people don’t realize that people within the government advocate for and work on behalf of our most vulnerable people. The Department of Human Resources is a government agency that advocates on behalf of the most vulnerable citizens, and we have opportunities for you when you are finished school,” McCabe said. “I am a father of four children and know how hard it is to raise a family with all the resources I have. The people you speak for don’t have those resources,” he told students and encouraged them to consider careers in public service.
The crowd shouted slogans such as “Hey Hey Ho Ho, This Apathy Has Got to Go,” and “Social Problems Are Complex, We Got Some But Need The Rest.” They also carried signs and placards along with 15-inch decorated paper dolls, representing an at-risk child affected by cuts to services. They marched around Lawyer’s Mall and raised, large fake dollar bills, and shouted, “Show me the money!”
Ferretto notes, “This is an educational experience for our students. Part of the day involves the students learning who their legislators and are speaking to them on behalf of those who will be affected by bill they [the legislators] are considering,” says Ferretto. “As social workers, we have to give voice to the vulnerable children, already at risk for abuse and neglect-who don’t have a voice of their own. As social workers, we must be advocates for children.”
The day-long rally began with the students learning about the role social workers can play in the legislative process and included presentations on advocacy skills and lunch with key legislators. More than 75 legislators dropped by to visit with students during the pre-rally sessions. The pre-rally sessions also honored School of Social Work alumna, Kerry Hall Cleaver, who launched the event 10 years ago during her own student internship with NASW-MD; Moya Atkinson, former president of the NASW-MD; and various legislators including Selema Marriott, who began their careers are professional social workers.
Students from the School’s Title IV-E program made the dolls carried at the rally. After the rally, students delivered the dolls-each labeled with a specific challenge at-risk children face daily-to legislators along with letters and a fact sheet on Maryland’s children.
The Title-IV-E program combines classroom work and field instruction. The issues described on the dolls are based on actual cases culled from their field placements. “These paper dolls give voice to a child that students have worked with on the Title-IV-E units at local departments of social services,” says Ferretto.
Ferretto says the purpose of the rally is to “remind legislators of the struggles Maryland’s children face as they debate legislative issues and fiscal concerns impacting children and families.”
For Daphne L. McClellan, PhD, executive director of NASW-MD-the fact that 350 students from an array of schools, including Bowie State University; Coppin State College; Frostburg State University; Hood College; McDaniel College; Galluadet; Salisbury University; University of Maryland Baltimore County; and the University of Maryland, College Park, joined students from the School of Social Work demonstrates how much the event has grown from the original 15 students of a decade ago. “The day is a huge success because students come away with an understanding of and excitement for the legislative process, with personal, hands-on experience sitting in committee meetings and interacting with legislators,” McClellan says.
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Reprinted with permission of the author.
Tags: advocacy, maryland, rally, real life story, social work, social workers, students
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Introduction
In Portage County, Wisconsin, inmates have access to a full-time social worker, but many jails only have someone part-time or use Health and Human Services on an on-call basis.
Portage County hired someone full-time to help alleviate the problems many inmates bring with them.
“The majority of people in here have problems with alcohol and drugs and that’s a big challenge people face in staying out of here,” says Dan Barth, a social worker at Portage County Jail.
Having someone full-time makes all the difference, according to Capt. Evan Hansen.
“We get an inmate population that’s spending more time thinking positive about their future and changing behavior that may have got them into the jail.”
Social workers handle everything from mental health crises to alcohol and drug programming.
Reprinted with permission of WSAW-TV.
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Tags: changing behavior, full-time, inmates, jail, Julie Huck, portage county, positive, real life story, social workers
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“A few minutes with” is a lighter look at a student who has been in the news.
 Senior Carla Roberts is an inspiration to everyone she meets at San Francisco’s Homeless Prenatal Program (HPP). Roberts came to HPP 16 years ago to kick a drug habit and improve her self-esteem through its women’s support group. Now, Roberts is supervisor for substance abuse services at the organization that helped her get back on her feet.
Roberts is married with three children, and a fourth is on the way. She will complete her bachelor’s degree in psychology in 2007 when the new baby is old enough for day care. She plans to pursue her master’s degree in social work at SFSU and become a licensed clinical social worker.
Why did you choose to attend SFSU?
I was really interested just because of my own life history. I wanted to be able to give back to families that I work with, but I want to be able to have my degree as well.
Who are your heroes?
My parents just because they instilled values about education within us and how important it is, no matter what type of pitfalls you have in life, no matter what roadblocks you’ve been up against. … And then my children just because that’s who I work for every day!
What are your long-term goals?
I’d really like to work with low-income families, to provide therapy to them, because there aren’t a lot of people of color in the therapy field. Not a lot of African-American, not a lot of Latino therapists, so I would hope that we could start to make those numbers rise.
What are your passions?
My passion is learning, actually. I love to learn, I love to acquire new information, and I love to read. Because other than that I think I’m boring! No, I love to dance.
What inspires you?
The families that I work with inspire me to keep going. Their situations help me to want to keep fighting for them and helping them out.
Where on campus, outside of class, are you most likely to be found?
In the parking garage going home to my kids! If it’s not just going to classes, then I’m on my way home. I’m not hanging out. I’ll use the Library sometimes, but I’m pretty much on my way home.
What is your favorite off-campus hangout?
At home with the children. … Other than that, maybe every other weekend or once a month I’ll go out and dance, and that’s over in Jack London Square.
Name a guilty pleasure of yours.
Oh, wow. Chocolate chip cookies. Seriously! I will eat a bag of chocolate chip cookies and not even eat dinner. It’s bad!
Other hobbies?
Just dancing. I love music and dancing. … It makes me feel free, it helps me to release negative energy, and it helps me to be in the moment.
What person, dead or living, would you most like to meet?
Probably my father’s father. … I never knew who he was, and I heard a lot about him. … He was from Mobile, Ala. I heard a lot of good things, and I heard that my oldest son looks just like him.
Favorite quote?
Education is the key to success. … It’s so true.
What is guaranteed to bring a smile to your day?
Someone smiling back. … Being in a person’s presence who’s warm and you can tell that they have a good nature about themselves. It just helps you keep going.
– Student Writer Lisa Rau with Matt Itelson
Tags: Carla Roberts, day in the life, Lisa Rau, Matt Itelson, real life story, social worker
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Introduction
Phil Wiggins’ emergence from 44 years in a state psychiatric hospital has been a series of highs and lows, mirroring the promise — and challenges — of the mental health reform effort he personifies.
Over the last seven months, he has shown glimmers of great promise. Bursts of humor. A renewed interest in reading science texts.
He has also churned through five community-based social workers, the folks who stay with him all day. He has begun “cheeking” his medicine for schizophrenia and impulse control, refusing to swallow it.
Please click here to read the full story.
Reprinted with permission of The News & Observer
Tags: community-based, mentally ill, News & Observer Story, real life story, Ruth Sheehan, social workers
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Introduction
 |
Experts say problem gambling
can affect men or women of any
age, race or religion, regardless
of their social status. |
(NAPS)—A preoccupation with gambling may cause some people to risk more than money. They may be gambling their health, happiness and their family's welfare.
That's the opinion of experts who define problem gambling as gambling behavior that causes a disruption in any major area of a person's life.
It's estimated that two to three percent of the U.S. population suffers from a gambling problem. It can affect men or women of any age, race or religion, regardless of their social status.
Risk Factors
Risk factors that individually or in combination seem to make people more vulnerable include:
- A stressful life event such as death of loved one, divorce, job loss, injury/disability;
- An early big win equal to or greater than one month's income;
- Pre-existing mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, alcoholism; and
- Family history of addictions such alcoholism, compulsive gambling and drug addiction.
Help Is Available
Fortunately, an organization is working to ensure help is available. The National Council on Problem Gambling is the national advocate for programs and services to assist problem gamblers and their families. Its mission is to increase public awareness of pathological gambling and to ensure the widespread availability of treatment for problem gamblers and their families. It also operates the Problem Gambling Helpline Network, a nationwide link to resources.
"A problem gambler doesn't need to wait to ‘hit bottom' before asking for help," says Keith Whyte, executive director, The National Council on Problem Gambling. "Our Hotline can be used by anyone. When their problem is your problem, you as a loved one can call the help line to learn what help is available."
One Person’s Story
One self-described problem gambler who turned to the Hotline for help characterized its services as being invaluable. According to Sandy Yakim, a 55 year-old teacher whose gambling increased after several personal setbacks, the Hotline provided her with emotional support and information, counseling and advice on how to get help. Ms. Yakim received invaluable counseling and support from two social workers through the Hotline.
Said Yakim, "I have now been clean for over a year. I have money in my savings account. I can shop a little bit. Life is good, I am happy, I have found my joy once again. The Hotline is invaluable. They provide a shoulder to cry on, but more importantly advice on help."
To learn more or to find help, call toll free (800) 522-4700 or visit www.ncpgambling.org.
Tags: gambling, gambling problem, help, hotline, money, real life story, risk factors, social workers, The National Council on Problem Gambling
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Note: Ms. Dina Ortiz, LCSW, is social worker specializing in outpatient mental health care. She is a California resident and has traveled to the Gulf Coast to help Hurricane Katrina survivors. This is her firsthand account.
Introduction
During the first week of September 2005, the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) sent a request for social workers via email asking them to volunteer with the American Red Cross to provide mental health services. I responded to their request with a yes. The primary assignment for mental health workers would be to support Red Cross Staff.
I soon received a telephone call from the Red Cross in Washington, DC. They wanted me to leave that day. After some discussion, it was agreed that I would leave the 10th of September (two weeks after Katrina had hit the Gulf Coast) to go to Montgomery, Alabama.
There were approximately 13 mental health workers who arrived in Montgomery on the same day. We received a Red Cross orientation and were “processed in” as disaster volunteers. The following day I was deployed to the Coast of Mississippi.
A “tourist bus” transported me with other volunteer health workers to our final destination. On the way, I began to see the devastation of Hurricane Katrina up close and personal. There were some awful sights. We saw ships that were settled on land. We saw bridges that had been ripped in half. We saw houses that had been lifted from their foundations and lodged on other sites. Sometimes these homes were on their sides or turned completely upside down.
During my first day on the Gulf Coast, I passed out bottles of water and dinners in containers to people who were cleaning up and working on their homes. I went through the debris with one woman who was attempting to find anything from her home worth keeping.
The debris created by Katrina was like sawdust. This rubble used to be homes. The sawdust was mixed with clothing, stuffed animals, and what appeared to be garbage. The smell was a mixture of death, rotten garbage, and mold. I was overwhelmed.
After about four hours of serving on the Coast, the mental health supervisor assigned me to a shelter. I would be based there for the next couple of weeks. I slept on a cot, showered in the shared bathroom, and did not leave the shelter for the first 10 days. (There was no such thing as privacy.)
I was available to help everyone in the shelter, including hurricane survivors and other shelter volunteers. The shelter was St. Paul's Methodist Church in Oceanside, MS. The church's structure had suffered minor damage but was still functional. There were approximately 150 displaced individuals (clients), 100 volunteers from churches throughout the United States, and 10 Red Cross staff staying at the shelter.
The clients were very busy each day. For example, they would sign up for resources, including FEMA and Red Cross financial services. They would search for clothing looking through piles of clothes at several different sites, and they would travel to the places their homes used to be and try to salvage some of their belongings.
The church volunteers were also very busy. They cooked meals for everyone and they degutted houses. They provided clothing, bedding, baby formula, baby diapers, cleaning supplies, and personal hygiene items to people in the shelter and the surrounding area.
The Red Cross staff consisted of nurses, case managers, and emergency service workers. I was assigned to the mental health support staff that helped the clients. The clients’ needs were great, and the term "mental health services" was used in a very broad sense: case management services, crisis intervention, mediation with staff and clients, locating love ones (dead and alive), unloading supplies, going through the debris with clients, and doing whatever needed to be done.
The hurricane victims' stories were the hardest to bear witness to. When they told their stories, they would stare straight ahead. Some had no emotions when they talked.
One woman, her husband, and their adult son were trapped in their home. She said the water rose from the floor to the ceiling almost instantly. When the water was up to her chin, she called 911. The 911 operator suggested that they stand on their furniture until the water receded. The operator said they had no one to send to help them.
The woman explained to the operator that she and her family could not stand on the furniture, because the furniture was floating on the water. She told me that she, her husband, and her son were finally able to open the front door of their home. This was a struggle because there was water pressure from both inside and outside their home. When they did finally open the door, they swam to dry land, which was a little island.
The water they swam in contained sewage and dead bodies, household items, furniture, cars, etc. That evening after the water had receded, the woman stated that she and her husband went back to their home and slept on their soaking wet bed. This lady, while staying in the shelter, was suffering from nightmares of drowning in this water.
Another survivor account came from a man who looked and acted like the Country & Western singer Willie Nelson. This man had been walking the streets of Biloxi, MS, until one of his friends transported him to the shelter. He stated that he had been looking for his wife for the past two weeks. He did not know if she was dead or alive. After I spent a couple of days of going to funeral homes and police departments trying to locate the man’s wife, I received a phone call stating that her body had been found in the ocean. When the man learned his wife's fate, he seemed to accept her death. He laughed and stated that his wife had wanted her body to be cremated and the ashes to be thrown in the ocean. Was this shock or acceptance?
The survivors in the Gulf have spirit and resilience. Their culture is rich and vibrant. They were thankful even in the time of destruction. When they told their stories, they often gave lots of details and included the humor. Staying at the shelter twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, I came to appreciate the survivors and their strength. I will never forget them and I hope we will never forget the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina.
And yes, I would help again.
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Related Articles:
Tags: Dina Ortiz, disaster, firsthand, grief, hurricane, katrina, loss, make a difference, real life story, social workers, witness
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For the Pitt County Department of Social Services, the new year will begin in a way it hasn’t since 1979.
It will begin without Ed Garrison.
After 26 years as the county’s director of social services, Garrison has retired, stepping down at age 64.
He leaves behind decades of leadership and a dedication to social services that stretched across four counties and 43 years.
“Ed has provided service to not only the eastern part of the state, but to all 99 directors across the state. He is a source of knowledge, always someone you could call,” said John Shore, president of the the state Association of County Directors of Social Services and director of Guilford County Social Services.
For Garrison, it is a career he didn’t expect but is glad he chose.
“It has been a labor of love from the beginning. I hope I’ve made a difference, but only time will answer that,” he said.
After graduating from N.C. State University, Garrison was planning on a career with the U.S. Census Bureau, but a presentation on social work steered him away.
“Society does have a responsibility to those less fortunate. The only way people are going to evolve and be able to support themselves is to have the support. … We have a responsibility to those less fortunate. We are our brother’s keeper. If we don’t do that it is a sad society, a bad world,” he said.
Garrison started as a social worker in Rutherford County, moved to McDowell County as a social work supervisor and spent almost 13 years as director of social services in Halifax County.
Married, with a 7-year-old daughter, he moved to Pitt County in 1980 for the better schools. He made his latest move into retirement with his thoughts on another 7-year-old girl – his granddaughter – and her 3-year-old brother.
The move to Pitt County was a challenging one, he remembers, even now pointing to gaining the confidence of the community and the county commissioners as one of the biggest challenges of his career.
“In Halifax County, I was the authority. I came here, and I found everyone was the authority,” he said.
Changes, struggles
It wouldn’t be the last change Garrison would face.
As he worked to clean out his office in the month leading up to his retirement, the meticulous record-keeper pulled out files dating back to his start in the county.
The papers list the department’s budget in 1980 at $26 million with 128 employees. Ten years later, the department boasted 188 employees and a $59.8 million budget.
Today, the department operates at full staff with 223 employees and a $206 million budget.
He has seen policy changes as well as growth.
One successful program, he said, is Work First. Started in the late 1990s, the program aimed to get people off of welfare and gainfully employed. Before the program started, 3,000 families were receiving Aid to Families with Dependent Children checks every month. Today, there are 187.
“I think we’re doing better from moving people from welfare-dependent to being wage earners,” Garrison said.
One of the biggest changes is the importance put on protecting children and the elderly, he said.
“There was not a lot of emphasis on child welfare and adult services. It was just about signing a check,” Garrison said of his start in social services.
Now, it’s a priority. In August, Garrison assigned two social workers to cover only night and weekend hours. Before, workers rotated being on call in case of a report of abuse or neglect.
“If we make a mistake, if we err, it will be on the side of protecting children,” he said. “I’d rather pull a child out of what I perceive to be a bad situation and return them as quickly as possible than let something horrible happen to that child.”.
Deputy County Manager John Bulow recalled asking Garrison his wishes for Christmas one year. Garrison told him the only thing he wanted was for no harm to come to a child, Bulow said.
“Every time a child has died in this county has been a low, because theoretically, this is the program that is supposed to protect all children,” Garrison said.
The part of his job he describes as the most heart-wrenching also involves dying, but on the other end of life.
As social services director, Garrison would be appointed by the court as the guardian of the sick and elderly who have no money and no one else to care for them. When they had no set instructions for making an end-of-life decision, that decision fell to Garrison.
“My own mother lasted five years with Alzheimer’s in a nursing home and died on her own before I had to make that decision and had to carry the burden of that decision,” Garrison said.
“I don’t have an out like that (as social services director.) When is the time to let a person end life naturally instead of keeping them alive on artificial means? As long as I live, I don’t think I’ll ever know. I do the best I can with the decision I’m confronted with.”
The next step
A social services director affects lives with every decision, a responsibility Garrison takes seriously and believes others should as well.
“The reason DSS came to being in this country is people have abdicated their responsibility to others, especially those lower class than them,” he said.
Whoever cares for the poor and people in trouble, the functions of social services are essential, he said.
“It gives people a chance. It gives children who are in harm’s way a chance for a better, safer life. It does the same thing for the elderly. It gives the low-income family a chance to see another day through food stamps and Medicaid,” he said.
The future of social services will be to meet the challenges of the growing elderly population and to deal with the effects of gangs and substance abuse, Garrison believes.
They are challenges a new generation will take on, some thanks to a fund established in Garrison’s name.
The East Carolina University School of Social Work has created the scholarship for students already working in the field.
It was one of many honors presented to Garrison during a retirement reception last week. Most notably, he received the Order of the Long Leaf Pine, bestowed by the governor upon individuals who have a proven record of service to the state.
“Ed is one of those very special people who is very dedicated, very caring. He has seen to it this community has had the very best services that can be issued through this department,” state Rep. Edith Warren, D-Pitt, said after presenting him with the award.
Hundreds of well-wishers, from employees to social services directors from other counties and community leaders, turned out to wish Garrison well at the reception.
For Garrison, the future holds some well-earned rest, spending time with family and perhaps a little surf fishing, he said.
“It’s been an interesting trip. I wouldn’t have given it up for anything in the world,” he said, pausing and adding with a smile, “and I wouldn’t take a nickel to do it again.”
Amanda Karr can be contacted at akarr@coxnc.com and 329-9574
Reprinted with permission of The Daily Reflector.
Tags: daily reflector, Ed Garrison, real life story, retirement, social services, social worker
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NOTE: This essay from the book The Power of Story was written by social worker Bonnie Collins, EdM, CSW-R.
Introduction
Therapy with this couple began in an ordinary way. I made certain assumptions right away. It was the wife (as usual) who called for couples therapy, and (as usual) she wanted to bring her husband in since “he is the one with the problem.” I’d been doing couples therapy for a long time, and I took pride in my ability to predict the needs of people even during their first phone call. This case, however, was designed to keep me humble. The woman seemed no different from many who had called. She wanted better communication between herself and her husband. She said he was withdrawing from her; they never talked anymore; or when they did, it was an argument. Their sex life was nonexistent, and there was no joy in their life together.
As usual, I invited them to an initial session and asked them to bring a definition of the problem as both of them saw it along with a list of the strengths in their relationship that might help them deal with the problem.
They arrived at the appointed time, and I found them in the waiting room where they had been silently staring into their coffee cups with an intensity that allowed them to avoid seeing each other or any one else in the room.
Ann was in her early 30s with short curly hair and sunglasses perched on the top of her head. She had big eyes and tanned skin, which, in combination with her high cheekbones and white teeth, gave her a healthy, pretty look. She sat with her long legs crossed under a flower print skirt and looked up with an open smile as I entered the room.
Jack looked older than his wife, perhaps in his 40s. He, too, was good-looking and athletic. He was neatly dressed in khakis and sneakers topped by a black tee shirt. He did not look up as openly as his wife did but instead scanned me quickly as if he were looking for trouble.
First Impressions
My first impressions of new couples are an important part of the therapeutic process for me, and I always make note of them. Intuitively, I felt their lack of connection to each other as well as her eagerness to give this process a try and his resistance, which I’ve learned over the years, is really self-protection.
This impression was confirmed further as she stood, introduced herself, and reached to shake my hand. He remained seated and simply nodded his head in my general direction as she introduced him to me. I smiled at each of them and extended my hand to him. He shook it reluctantly and rather weakly. I offered them more coffee, which she declined and which he took readily, almost as though he wanted to delay the beginning of a process for which he wasn’t quite ready.
I then ushered them into the therapy room and suggested that they sit wherever looked most comfortable to them. They chose to sit in chairs opposite each other rather than on the couch, where they might be physically closer.
At this point I always offer my clients a moment of silence to let them get settled and adapt to a new environment. I busy myself with paperwork but watch what each of them might do with his moment. In this case, Ann used it to settle in a chair and then to fuss with her skirt, her hair, and her position in the chair. Jack, on the other hand, continued the behavior he began in the waiting room, which was to study me further and scan the environment. I watched him survey the room, appearing to take in all the details as if he here checking for defects or looking for danger.
As I took my seat I went to work trying to make them feel as comfortable as possible in a setting that often provokes anxiety. Ann warmed to my attempts immediately by sharing with me how much she loved her husband though he was not himself these days. She explained that he was tense, short-tempered, and withdrawn when he was not jumping down her throat. As she spoke of these worries, Jack braced himself as though he was being attacked.
The Breakthrough
When I turned to him to draw him into the conversation and get an idea of how he saw the marriage problem, my paperwork fell out of my lap. As Jack described the problem, stating that his wife was making mountains out of molehills, I reached down to pick it up and glancing at it briefly, saw that I had written during the intake that he was a Vietnam veteran. I began to study this man more intensely and saw a much younger face than the one actually looking at me.
In its place, I saw a young soldier in an awful war. And then I thought of my two sons, twelve and fourteen years old at the time, who had no idea what war might be like. It occurred to me that it was because of this man and men like him that maybe, just maybe, my sons would not have to go to a strange place and fight with little understanding of what they were fighting for.
This thought was so powerful my eyes filled with tears. I felt such deep gratitude for what this man had done that I stopped him in his defense of his role in his marriage and said, “I know what I am about to say has nothing to do with why you are here today; or maybe it has everything to do with why you are here today; but I just want to thank you for going to war in defense of us, your fellow citizens. I hope that because of you and those like you that my sons will not have to be soldiers. Thank you for trying to make this world a better place in which to live.”
He stared at me and burst into tears, sobbing as I have never heard anyone sob except in moments of deep grief. I waited with tears in my own eyes; looking at Ann, I realized she was quietly crying too. We all sat in our individual sadness for a long time. Finally, Jack spoke up. With softened features, he gazed directly into my eyes with a look that touched my soul and said, ‘No one has ever expressed a ‘thank you’ for what I went through over there. All I came home with was nightmares, flashbacks, guilt and an addiction to any substance that would numb the pain and help me avoid what I did to survive a war I didn’t understand. To even begin to contemplate that I might have done something worthwhile over there seems impossible, but to think I may have prevented the next generation of boys from having to experience war helps give meaning to what I had to do. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
He reached over and grabbed my hand with a touch that communicated his gratitude even more than his words.
How to go on? He took care of that too. He reached for his wife, and they stood and hugged each other with such intimacy that I left the room. I waited in my own waiting room for them to leave the privacy of their connection to each other. They greeted me with smiles and thanked me for such a healing session. They scheduled their next session for the following week and left holding hands.
I went home and hugged my boys with tears in my eyes. At twelve and fourteen, they were naturally a bit resistant to this emotional demonstration of affection.
A Happy Ending
The following week I got a phone call from Jack canceling their next session. He said, “I really wanted to come back because you helped me feel so much better about myself, but it is because I feel so empowered that I have no more nightmares. My wife and I have renewed our sex life and are talking so much our kids can’t get a word in edgewise. I will always remember your honoring of me, and I will try to live the rest of my life as though I earned that honor.”
So much for “therapy as usual!”
“A Mother’s Thanks” is chapter from the book The Power of Story: A Process for Renewal for Therapists who Treat Trauma, by Bonnie J. Collins, EdM, CSW-R, and Trina M. Laughlin, CSW.
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Tags: Bonnie Collins, couple, marriage counseling, mother, real life story, social worker, The Power of Story, therapy
Posted in
How Social Workers Help, Relationships |
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The Little Boy and His Social Worker
In today’s Wednesday’s Child segment we meet a young man who says the foster care system may have saved his life.”He was a little thin kid, really quiet. Even today he doesn’t look a day older,” says Pamela Cranford from the Department of Children & Families.
Pamela Cranford and Carlos Toro are more than colleagues, they’re friends, and their union began more than a decade ago when Carlos, now 29, was in state care.
“My mother was still involved in drugs and my father was in jail and so I ended up staying with a friend of the family, and DCF became involved,” says Toro.
Social Worker a “Guardian Angel”
That family friend stepped in as Carlos’ foster mother, and, says supervising social worker Pamela, became what Carlos calls his guardian angel.”I really didn’t make my needs known too much, but I ended up going to counseling because I needed counseling to deal with what went on with my family,” says Toro.
“And when he told me, ‘No, you’re the one who made a mark’ and I guess those ice creams, the drives, and those hugs meant more than I thought,” says Cranford.
It’s Carlos’ foster mom who deserves all of the praise.
“But the bottom line is this lady’s motivation was from the heart. It wasn’t for a paycheck, it wasn’t from DCF coming if I have a problem or not,” says Toro.
Carlos Toro Becomes a Social Worker Too
As a social worker at the Department of Children and Families in Hartford, Carlos is helping many Connecticut children during difficult times. But he says it’s his faith which sustains him.
“The Lord had his hand on me since I was a young person. I didn’t know that then but now I know, he’s telling me about my life and I wouldn’t be sitting where I am."
Now this University of Connecticut graduate is married and expecting his first child. He has this advice for the hundreds of other children coping with life’s challenges, “Now you can look at your situation and be a victim or you can look at it and be victorious.”
Advice from a man who’s turned his pain into passion.
Carlos is happy to report he continues a relationship with his biological parents and siblings and all are doing well.
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For more information about foster care call Casey Family Services at 1-888-799-K.I.D.S
Casey Family Services
127 Church Street
New Haven, CT
1-888-799-KIDS
Reprinted with permission of WTHN-TV.
Tags: adoption, child, foster care, foster care system, parents, real life story, social worker
Posted in
Adoptions And Foster Care, Kids And Families, Real Life Stories |
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