By Maria Baratta, MA, MSW, ACSW, LCSW, BCD
 

	Introduction
	Diets Fail
	Guidelines for Lifetime Weight Management
	Eating Out of Habit
	Your Food Habit Overhaul

Introduction

Anyone age 50 and over probably remembers where they were and what they were doing on the day when man first set foot on the moon. I can vividly remember that day because I was on an “all you can eat” ice cream diet that I decided to do during a family vacation in Cape Cod. Who could forget eating only ice cream for three meals a day, for a week, in an era when dieting was a “cool” thing to do?

It took me a while to figure out that avoiding unhealthy diets and making peace with my body is really the cool thing to do. We need to eat to survive, yet eating in extremes, overeating or eating too little, can have perilous consequences. It is necessary to learn how to feed your body healthily and consistently for the rest of your life. A peppermint stick ice cream diet won’t do.

I grew up in the sixties and remember when you were weighed in front of the entire class once a year. I recall my fifth grade teacher choosing the cutest boy in the class to call out the numbers. One by one, we were all called up to step on a scale and the numbers were announced to the teacher and everyone within hearing range. A few would have to go to the nurse. We all knew what that meant. I always held my breath for a few seconds and prayed not to be sent to the nurse for eating a few too many seconds of pasta. To make matters worse, those were the “Twiggy days” when Twiggy, the emaciated model, set a standard for body size that few could attain. That was at the beginning of an era in our culture marked by weight obsession and the emergence of the “diet” industry.

When I was five, my best friend was someone who was known in the neighborhood as “the chubby one”. Her mother and baby sister were also obese but the father was quite thin. Early in our friendship, her father died suddenly of a heart attack. Although you are writing from personal experience, it is best to leave the slang out to fit the professional web site format I remember coming home from “back to school shopping “and showing my friend a dress my mother bought me. It was an empire style dress and she asked if she could try it on. I knew that she would stretch it out, but, feeling badly for her since her father had recently died, I said “sure”. She tried it on (and stretched it out) and was so happy for weeks telling everyone that she fit into a “normal” sized dress. Fitting into that dress was such a big deal for her. Being overweight was a significant source of unhappiness for her and I realized then that for some, wearing “normal” sized clothing was all but unattainable.

Diets Fail

As a psychotherapist of more than twenty years, I have spent many therapy hours working with really smart women and men who had previously failed every conceivable diet known to mankind. Some people do not even attempt dieting as the result of too many failures.

The thing that I react to most when dealing with my patients is that some have given up achieving a comfortable and healthy weight. Imagine the despair of knowing that some weight related health risk is hanging over your head and not being able to prevent it. It is pretty scary to be referred to a therapist by a cardiologist for flunking diets. If diet attempts have failed, it is necessary to understand that when people do lose weight by “dieting”, they inevitably gain the weight back and then some. If diet attempts have failed, it is necessary to understand that the concept of dieting is psychologically destined to fail. That said, there are things that you can do to break that cycle of failure and succeed at managing weight.

Traditional diets tell you what to eat .My experience has been that no matter how much you want to lose weight, being told what to eat does not work. We humans want to do things our own way. What we do know is that decreased eating and increased exercise are necessary for weight loss. Maybe figuring out what you want to eat is better than someone telling you what you should eat. Decreasing what you are used to eating is “change”. Change is inevitably met with resistance. In my work, I have found that if you determine a way to eat that includes choices and not merely what you are told, much of the resistance disappears. Weight loss and management should not be torture and deprivation. Nobody sticks to that. I have always appreciated the movie “The Wizard of Oz”. I love the ultimate message. The ultimate message was that Dorothy always had the power to achieve what she wanted, but had to learn that for herself. The “how to lose weight ” dilemma is the same. You hold the key within you but have to figure it out for yourself.

It has been said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. This is so often the case with those who cannot succeed at losing weight by dieting .At the very least you must admit that whatever you are doing is exactly what it takes to keep your body at its current weight and shape. Then you need to really look at current eating choices and eating behaviors and accept that change is imperative to weight loss.

Guidelines for Lifetime Weight Management

The following is a guideline for lifetime weight management and self care:

1. Eat only what you love
2. Understand eating as a behavior of habit
3. Learn to eat in moderation
4. Become informed about calories and nutrition
5. Make peace with your body

When you “diet”, there are some serious psychological and physiological consequences. Diets usually fail to incorporate psychological principles inherent to weight loss. . A diet is an imposed system of rules governing your eating. We do not do well with deprivation, instructed eating and forced limits to food. Diets are someone else telling you what to eat. They imply that someone else knows better about you than you do. They very well might feel authoritative and offer magic formulas for reduced food intake but how long can one be told what to eat? Many times, patients have told me that they ate the “diet” foods in addition to their old standby comfort foods plus dessert to make the diet acceptable. Compensatory eating. Recently, a patient lamented that she went on a “tofu diet” but she failed to lose any weight. I proceeded to ask her if she liked tofu and she answered that she absolutely hated it and ended up eating cookies to get through the day. I asked her “if you hated tofu, why did you go on a tofu diet”? She responded that everyone in her office decided to go on a “tofu diet” and she too went along with it. She admitted that it did not make much sense and we laughed together. Diets can work for a while but eventually, one rebels and eats what they want and inevitably gains more weight than was initially lost. It is necessary to be the master of one’s own eating destiny. You need to decide what you want to eat.

In order to lose weight, eating must include what you really love. The pleasure principle is part of a successful eating strategy. As a second generation Italian American, I grew up in a culture that was quite in love with food. Pretty good food might I add. Food deserved respect. It would have been unthinkable to tell someone what to eat. It is imperative for one to eat only what one loves. Not in huge portions. Enough to feel well fed. Not enough to feel full. What works for one person does not necessarily work for another. It is necessary to come up with a custom eating strategy that takes into account what it takes to feel satisfied. Satisfaction with food means that less is enough. An eating plan is only as good as the person is motivated to follow it. It must include eating only what one really wants to eat. That might include some cannoli.

Eating Out of Habit

We choose to eat many of our favorite foods out of habit. We eat what we are used to eating. Habits are behaviors that become automatic over time and subsequently take considerable motivation and time to change. In order to successfully change eating habits, it is necessary to substitute equally acceptable food choices. If, for example, you are used to eating donuts for breakfast, you will need to substitute something just as pleasurable but less damaging in their place such as, for example, a good tasting cereal. If instead you substitute something “healthy” but yucky tasting, the motivation to change is lost. If you do not like what you choose to eat, it is just a matter of time until you will give up and return to your familiar food choices. If, for you, food is used for “comfort,” that too will not change overnight. You can anticipate “comfort eating” by planning. Sure there are better ways to cope with stress, boredom and upset but until you figure that out, you need to anticipate and plan ahead. For the occasion of “comfort eating,” great low calorie “comfort foods” such as, for example, low calorie ice cream, will circumvent disaster. Low fat “comfort foods” do exist if you search and prepare. By substituting your own better choice, the process of empowerment begins.

Years ago, I remember purchasing a frozen entrée of ravioli, and when it was ready to eat, I was shocked to see only three pathetic ravioli staring at me. I proceeded to fetch the box from the garbage to find the customer service telephone number, dial it and complain that my box was cheated. To my surprise, I was told that this was the correct portion. I could not believe that anybody could live on that, not unless it was followed by something else. Satiety is an important part of eating. Sometimes, reasonable portions need to be supplemented with “filler foods.” Low calorie foods such as vegetables fill you up and can be eaten in larger amounts. Empty tummies return for more food. Everyone can come up with some low calorie foods that fill you up. With some thought and creativity, adding ” filler foods” to one’s food choices provides that feeling of having eaten enough.

I had a friend during college whom my brothers referred to as my “ugly” friend. My friend also happened to be very overweight. As friends do, she talked me into going to a “Weight Watchers” meeting with her (I had the car). I was allowed to sit with her during the meeting as long as I participated. It sounded fun. The meeting was about food—lists and lists of foods you could eat. Even foods I never thought of eating. So I went home and ate some cool new foods. I went back with her the next week and even weighed myself. I had gained three pounds. The leader asked me to speak to her after the meeting. Well, that was it for “Weight Watchers” and me in the seventies, but I did learn one thing—it helps to know calories. Knowledge of calories is a skill worth learning. With the knowledge of calories, you will have the ability to choose lower caloric foods to substitute for the higher calorie foods. Lower calorie food substitutions will help manage hunger and limit excessive calorie intake which is the key to weight loss and management.

Food Habit Overhaul

Before even considering undertaking a food habit overhaul, you need to make peace with your body. We are living in a major makeover period of time, evident by the popularity of makeover reality television programs. There is a difference between self- improvement and change motivated by self- loathing or a distorted body image. It is imperative to have an accepting attitude towards your body. To this end, I give my patients an exercise that consists of going home and looking at their bodies in a mirror. Inevitably, this exercise is met with laughter accompanied by apprehension. Never has anyone returned with the comment,” I look great”, or “I love the way I look”. It is really sad to think that women can be so critical of themselves when it is women who are caretakers of others. The process of self –acceptance begins with the realization that your body actually works and that is good. It is more important that the body function than that it look good. We are influenced by popular culture and really do not stand a chance of measuring up to a standard that is inconsistent, subjective and in constant change. We need to appreciate that we only get one body. No trade-ins. Making peace with your body might require some good work with a therapist but is essential in eventually managing your body. The key to making peace with your body is to understand and accept that, up until now, you have been doing the best that you could do to cope with life. That is not a small task. That might have meant that you went a little overboard with the feeding. In essence, learn about food and about yourself. With some effort, you can learn to better manage your eating. Change is really possible.