By Faye Beard
Feeling connected may be more important now than ever. For queer people, those connections are potentially life-saving.
Last year, the Trevor Project’s U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People showed the link between anti-LGBTQ+ victimization and disproportionately high rates of suicide risk.
The attempted suicide rate was twice as high for LGBTQ+ youth who lived in “very unaccepting communities” as opposed to those who lived in “very accepting communities,” the survey said.
“The 2SLGBTQIA+ community is being attacked by hate legislation aimed at erasing trans, gender-diverse, intersex, and non-binary folx,” said Jo Seiders, the Senior Human Rights Policy Associate-DEI at the National Association of Social Workers. Seiders explained that Two-Spirit, the latest addition to the acronym, includes a cultural reference specific to indigenous people. And the Native American Youth and Family Center describes, Two Spirit as a term used by some Native American communities to describe individuals who possess both male and female traits.
“It’s essential for queer+ folx to be in community,” said Seiders, a licensed clinical social worker who identifies as genderqueer. “For many, Pride is the only time to share space with people like them. Queer joy is an act of resistance. It inspires hope, which is essential in a time where most are filled with fear and are again being denied full citizenship and safety.”
Taryn Rothstein, LMSW, an associate psychotherapist at The Loom Wellness in New York City encourages her clients to seek community through friendships. That can create a sense of security that dating sometimes lacks. “People in marginalized groups need to have friends in those marginalized groups,” Rothstein said. “So, if you’re a non-binary person, you should have some non-binary friends.”
Rothstein shares three benefits of queer people having queer friendships.
- They provide a sense of healing: Being in a marginalized group can be traumatizing. You experience a lot of adversity. You experience a lot of otherness. You feel like you’re not a part of what society deems normal. By being friends with those who identify in the way that you do, you’ll learn that you are normal and your experiences are valid. You’ll realize that you’re not crazy. You’ll know that you’re important. You matter. You are enough, and you are loved.
- They provide a sense of belonging: Queer friends can mirror and reflect the experience that you’re having. Traditional sources of belonging like school or family don’t always feel safe. Queer friendships can provide that corrective experience. You can form secure attachments, and those attachment figures can affirm who you are. It will help you feel that sense of belonging in an inherent way. They make you feel accepted. You’ll feel a lot less alone.
- They provide a sense of safety: Queer people are walking through a heteronormative world that is, at times, hostile against them. You can feel stigmatized and discriminated against and then internalize that homophobia and transphobia. You may experience chronic stress by being a part of a marginalized group. So queer friendships can offer a buffer against that stress. It’s a form of collective resilience when you experience friendship, and it makes you feel safer in the world.
“Don’t discount online friendships,” said Rothstein, acknowledging it may be difficult or unsafe—especially in small towns—to meet queer friends.
Having queer friendships can promote growth, regulate stress, build identity, and boost confidence, Rothstein said. “It’s something a lot of queer people naturally desire. They may not know that they need it. Then once they experience that friendship, it can be life-changing.”
Faye Beard is a freelance journalist living in New York City.
