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Helpful Tools During the Early Grieving Stage |
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Helpful Tips on How to Heal During a Recent Loss |
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Common Mistakes in the Early Stage of Loss |
Helpful Tools During the Early Grieving Stage
The beginning of a breakup is always the most difficult time dealing with loss. There is the initial shock of suddenly being faced with loneliness and painful feelings. When one ends a relationship it is not uncommon that old memories from the past are stirred up and former losses that seemed to have been resolved may reappear.
Remember that you are not alone and that what will pass will pass. Trust yourself and learn to enjoy taking care of yourself and getting in touch with yourself again. It is important to free yourself and not be afraid of your feelings. The early grieving stage is complicated because it includes many feelings such as grief, yearning, longing, anger, hopelessness, apathy, sadness, and despair. However, as painful as it may be, it is also an opportunity to grow and learn.
Helpful Tips On How to Heal During a Recent Loss
- Write about your feelings. Many times after a loss it is difficult to express what one is feeling. Unresolved issues from childhood may arise and increase the present confusion and pain. Writing about the feelings in the present moment can help to clarify the confusion. Writing things down on paper is also validating and helps to put the focus back on oneself.
- Talk to close friends. During the early stages of loss it may be uncomfortable to be in the usual social surroundings. Sometimes people feel safe with only a few close friends. Spend time with people whom you trust. Talk to friends about what you are feeling, as they might have also experienced the same pain and loss, and may be able to offer some insight, comfort, and support.
- Do things that make you feel empowered. Take yourself out for dinner or lunch. Go to a movie or buy a new outfit. Give yourself praise and attention. Try to keep interested in outside things, such as reading a book or doing a crossword puzzle. Keep your mind focused on your future, not the past. Remember the pain will eventually pass and you will feel like yourself again.
- Find new activities. Learn something new. Take a class in painting, poetry, writing, etc. Try something that you have always thought about doing but put off in the past. Maybe you always wanted to learn ballroom dancing or cooking. Whatever it may be, decide to take a chance and invest in yourself by developing a new area of interest.
- Meditation. Find a few minutes every day to sit quietly with your thoughts and feelings. It is natural to want to avoid the pain and do other things. By giving yourself a simple 10-minute time out period every day, you are focusing on you and only you. Redundant Accept yourself as you are – unconditionally.
Common Mistakes in Early Stage of Loss
- Blaming oneself. Whatever caused the relationship to end, remember that it is always a two-way street. Do not think that you were the only one who was wrong and your ex partner was right. Know that you are not the only one hurting over the breakup. Everybody handles grief differently, so don’t believe that you are the only one suffering.
- Distorting the past. Don’t look back at the relationship and see only good things in the other person. Look back at the relationship and see it for what it was. No one is perfect. Write down a list of all the things that you did not like about your ex partner. Write down a list of the things that are most important to you in your life now and look at that list every day.
Recognize what you have gained. Remember that when one door closes another door opens. You may have invested a lot in the other person and it is natural to feel some regret over the loss of time when something ends. However, try to see what you have learned from the relationship and know that you can take that wisdom with you.
Remember that no matter how difficult it may seem, it always gets better with time. There is an end result to the grieving process. Most people have been through heartbreaks at least once in a lifetime. If feelings continue to overwhelm you, you may want to talk to a therapist. It is important to recognize that you are not alone.
