By L.B. (LeslieBeth) Wish, Ed.D, MSS

We have witnessed a series of sex scandals involving men in high-profile political positions. Senator David Vitter of Louisiana and New York Governor Eliot Spitzer admitted to using prostitution services. Married New Jersey Governor James McGreevy admitted to having an affair with a male staffer.

So many of these scandals have occurred that we can write the script for the politician’s public apology: We see him standing at the podium reading a statement while his wife poker-faced wife stands by his side.

As this scene plays out again and again, many wonder why educated, successful women would stay and be humiliated twice: once for experiencing the betrayal in private and twice having to enduring it in public.

Not too long ago, most women were far more economically dependent on their husbands. Women endured bad marriages to survive. Divorce, if it was an option, was a source of social shame, but it was also frequently a ticket to the poorhouse or even a mental institution.

But today, it would seem that a woman with a law degree and a stellar work history would pack her bags, grab the kids and leave.

But outrage and marital meltdown is apparently not enough for these women to leave these cheating men. Privately, there are many explanations for why an independent woman stays in what seems a disastrous marriage. My 30+ years experience has helped me understand a lot about otherwise intelligent, professional and capable women who choose to stay with their husbands after they’ve confessed their misdeeds.

Why Some Women Stay

Here are the top reasons that have emerged from my research and practice:

1. She values keeping the family together above almost anything.
2. She’s been divorced before and doesn’t want to divorce again.
3. She feels that being with a bad husband is better than being on her own.
4. She blames herself for any marital disasters.
5. Married to a powerful man, she enjoys a higher social and economic standing than she would  alone.
6. She and her husband agree (explicitly or not) to stay married while living separate lives.
7. Her family members pressure her to stay.

No list can explain every circumstance, but these items may help you understand why many women stay with men who hurt them.