By Sherry Katz, MSW, LCSW

Here are some suggestions for family members who sometimes feel upset or lost upon hearing their  family member with Alzheimer’s disease say some startlingly strange comments.

Because people who have Alzheimer’s disease loses their thinking abilities, they also steadily decline in their ability to participate and manage their share in a relationship. Any sort of jumbling of names, relationships, time, location, can occur.

Also, processing emotion and responding with feeling requires verbal skills which the patient is in midst of losing. Not only will the individuals with Alzheimer’s disease  have difficulty  recalling and using facts accurately in a conversation, they will also gradually show strange or no emotional understanding of what is presented.

An Alzheimer’s Scenario

Here is an example of  a factual and emotional loss, resulting from  Alzheimer’s. If you relate to the following scenario, the tips below may help you navigate the frustration of living with this disease.

Dad suggests writing to “your uncle”, while in reality referencing your son. When you state the obvious correct facts calmly, dad doesn’t recall making the comment. The conversation continues, he says the exact same message. This time, responding calmly is more difficult. You sound exasperated and dad is bewildered as to why. You explain the reason and he shrugs, still not understanding, and then moves on to another activity.

Tips to Help You Cope

If a family member has Alzheimer’s, remember these tips:

• Recognize unusual responses and conversation for what it is: Alzheimer’s disease announces itself through a random series of lost functioning, for example, logical conversations. If you notice a loved one saying strange things, it could be Alzheimer’s disease “talking”, and not the person.
• Don’t try to convince the person of the “facts.” This will likely lead to more stress and frustration.
• Understand that your relationship with this person is shifting.
• Accept that this person’s behaviors from before Alzheimer’s are leaving.
• Be honest with yourself about your feelings living with the “after Alzheimer’s” person.

Get Professional Help

Adjusting to these changes can be complicated. You’re losing a relationship with someone when there may be extreme disagreement. It is strange to lose a relationship while the person gradually cannot discuss anything that relates to their care. A clinical social worker can help you explore and process your inner reactions to this experience.

Be Here Now

Reasoning and language skills will gradually fade. Still, people with Alzheimer’s often can still communicate non-verbally and relate to simple emotions. Smiles of recognizing, or gentle touch continues to bring moments of happiness long into the illness. Enjoy these moments when they occur.