By John D. Weaver, MSW, LCSW, BCD, ACSW, CBHE
Someone you know has just shared his or her story of having been physically, sexually, and/or emotionally abused. This could be the first time he or she has told anyone, or maybe it is just the first time it was shared with you. Either way, you are probably shocked, saddened, and at a loss as to how you can best respond. You want to help and support the victim, yet you probably realize there are limits to what you can do, especially if you are very close to the person. Consider using Psychological First Aid (PFA).
Here are some steps you can take:
1. Make a connection
Acknowledge that you heard what was shared, say you are sorry to hear what happened, and offer your support in any way you can.
2. Help them be safe
Get the survivor medical attention if needed. Get them to a safe space, physically separated from the abuser. Help them to report the abuse to authorities, e.g., child abuse reporting hotline.
3. Be kind, calm, and compassionate
Because the victim shared this painful story with you, they are counting on you to offer support in this way.
4. Meet basic needs
When people have experienced extreme psychological trauma, they likely need very basic care, comfort, and support. Things like hydration, comfort food, a safe place to live with stable daily routines, and someone there with them when they fear being alone are all crucial supports you can offer.
5. Listen
After acknowledging that you heard what was shared and said you are sorry for what happened, stop talking. No words can ease the pain or speed the process of rebuilding a shattered life, but there are a lot of things you might accidentally say that may cause more emotional pain.
Just listen and avoid any impulse to draw out details. People will share what they can, when they are ready.
6. Give realistic assurance
Avoid making statements like “It will be okay.” People do survive trauma and become stronger over time, but it is a long, slow process.
Better to take things a day at a time and say things that are short-term and easily achievable like “If you want to, we’ll get you connected to a good therapist and support group.”
7. Encourage good coping
People are incredibly resilient and, given time and support, most survivors go on to happier times. Help them accept that the healing and recovery process will take time.
Family members, friends, and professional helpers need to be supportive, give them some space, and encourage them to use the same basic coping strategies: eat healthy foods, get plenty of rest, exercise, share thoughts and feelings when they want to (and avoid sharing when they don’t).
8. Find professional help
Help the survivor get connected to mental health professionals who specialize in working with this type of trauma. Survivors of abuse who have reached the point in their own rebuilding process that they can now support others can also be a source of support and hope.
9. Know that healing takes time
Be honest about things like the need to report the abuse, the steps in any resulting investigation and court procedures, the typical time frames for recovery, and the predictable reactions to triggers in the future (e.g., associated sights, sounds and smells, anniversaries, and sensitivity to media content).
10. Take care of yourself
Emotional trauma is easily transferred from survivors to helpers. Limit your exposure to traumatizing details whenever you can. You can be very supportive without taking on more than you can emotionally handle. And consider attending a support group and/or seeking professional help for yourself, if you find you are having trouble coping through this process.
